We're In This Together
by meonlyred
Summary: The story of Zody Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. Spanning fifteen years from the time they were 17 years old to Shepard's death.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note:** Zody Shepard and Kaidan Alenko's story. Ranges from the time they were 17 to Shepard's death 15 years later. Some of the chapters might be familiar to you, I combined them to make one long story and also added new scenes. This chapter contains _A Price Too High_ but also new parts._ Of Brandy and Song_ will appear in a later chapter. Those of you who are apart of KAAS will recognize some parts are prompts.

Since my writing style jumps forward constantly, I made up dates to provide prospective. Hopefully, you won't be confused with all the scene jumps.

This story is rated M for language, violence, and some slight smut later on.

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><p><strong>September 17, <strong>**2168**

**Gagarin Station, BAat**

Rahna stared at the glass of water sitting on the table in front of her. It had sat on there, untouched long enough for the glass to begin to sweat. Tiny droplets of water appeared on its surface and had run down to form a pool on the table. Licking her dry lips she thought about how cool and refreshing a sip would be.

They had deprived her of food for the entire day and her last drink was from yesterday evening. It had been one of the instructor's ideas to use food and water as an incentive to make them work harder. They did not seem to care that without enough calories in their systems they could not make a static spark much less move an object. A few students could still perform even under such stress. Rahna was not one of them. Her instructors had told her to use her biotic powers to pull the glass to her, but she simply could not. She was too hungry, too tired, and really did not want another nose bleed.

Glancing around the room she noticed none of the other instructors were looking her way. She could sneak a quick sip and no one would be the wiser, right? Her delicate arm trembled as she reached across the table. Just as her finger tips touched the surface of the cool wet glass, her arm was seized by large clawed hand. She looked up, her dark eyes widen in horror at the turian, Commander Vyrnnus. His grey metallic face was painted in geometric blue markings. The mandibles on the sides of his jaw flared out angrily.

She yelped, of all the instructors here he terrified her the most. It had nothing to do with the fact he was a turian and everything to do with him being a tyrant. He was notorious for screaming, berating, and hitting the other students. For the most part her friends had all ran interference and kept her as far away from him as they could. One in particular.

"I said use your biotics, you stupid creature!" With a quick twist he snapped her arm, the bone cracked like a dry piece of wood. The classroom went deathly quiet as all eyes turned to them. "Now, you have no choice, use your damn biotics!"

Rahna screamed and collapsed backwards to the floor, cradling her arm and sodding. Vyrnnus stood over her menacingly. From his left, he heard a chair clatter to the ground and a teenage human boy jumped between them. His arms spread wide to block Vyrnnus' view of the whimpering girl. Of all the human teenagers here, he knew it would be that one who would come to Rahna's rescue.

Kaidan Alenko stood defiantly in the way of a large angry turian and Rahna. He was young, not much older than seventeen years of age, dark complexion, and far too glib for his own good. He stared up at Vyrnnus, his eyes flashing in a rare act of rebellion. Compared to the might of a seasoned turian commander, a teenage human boy stood little chance.

"You will pay dearly for this." Vyrnnus hissed.

Kaidan stood his ground as Vyrnnus raised his arm. At the last second before the back of Vyrnnus' hand connected across the side of Kaidan's face, he closed his eyes. He knew this was going to hurt and did not want to see it coming. The strike was as bad as he anticipated. Flying across the room, he crashed into the next set of tables sending teenage kids scrambling out of the way. The room exploded as into chaos as students and instructors alike backed to the walls, making room for the fight.

"Kaidan!" Rahna screamed as one of the students pulled her away.

Shaking his head, Kaidan tried to stand. Stars appeared in his vision, he was willing to bet he had a concussion. Licking his throbbing lip, he tasted blood. Kaidan had never been in a real fight before. Sure, there had been a few school yard scuffles but nothing on this level. He looked up in time to see Vyrnnus bearing down at him. "We should have bombed you humans back to the Stone Age." He growled.

Kaidan stared up at the turian as he tried to scramble backwards on his haunches. The gravity of his misjudgment was beginning to sink in. The look in Vyrnnus' small round eyes told Kaidan that he was not getting out of this without having to spend a few days in the infirmary.

Other instructors and guards came running, trying to talk Vyrnnus down. The turian played no attention to them. All he seen was the insolent human boy. "Humans are so weak and arrogant." He hissed. "Only a human would stand against a foe he knew he could not defeat."

Humans had barely been a part of the galactic community for fifteen years, but they acted like they already knew everything. Prideful and undisciplined, they never took the time to learn anything for themselves. They stood on the shoulders of those who came before them and claimed all glory for themselves.

Kaidan tried again to stand but was catch by the neck by Vyrnnus and hoisted into the air. Turning to the table nearest them, the turian slammed Kaidan on top of the table. Kaidan grasped uselessly at the hand around his neck. Vyrnnus lifted him and slammed him again against the table, it groaned in protest and threaten to give out from under him. The turian stopped beating him against the table and began tightening his grip on his neck. Kaidan tried to breathe but the turian's hand was too tight. He gasped for air and scratch at Vyrnnus' arm. It held fast like a vice grip around his throat. No longer was Kaidan thinking about his young Turkish friend, he was beginning to fear for his own life. A glint of metal appeared out of the corner of his eye and he was suddenly very aware of Vyrnnus' military-issues talon pointed at his face. Kaidan knew without a doubt Vyrnnus was about to use the knife on him. Fear clinched at his heart as he realized no one would get to him before Vyrnnus shred his skin to ribbons.

Someone was screaming his name and Kaidan did the only thing he could think of. He closed his eyes and drew on every ounce of power he could manage. Blue mass effect fields swirled and danced over his skin as he reached deep. The glasses and other learning material that still remained on the table began to levitate as Kaidan dropped the mass around him. He had to use everything he had, he could not afford not to. Gathering that power into a ball he sent it straight into Vyrnnus' shocked face. The turian's head jerked back, Kaidan could have sworn he heard a crack as Vyrnnus let go of his neck and crashed to the floor.

No one moved as the room went deathly quiet; all eyes were on the scene that had just played out before them. Kaidan sat up, every bone and muscle in his body aching. Smelling blood Kaidan whipped his nose; red stained the back of his hand and the cuff of his shirt. He wondered if the nose bleed had come from his biotic display or the beating. Wincing he leaned over the edge of the table to stare down at Vyrnnus. His neck was in a funny angle and he was not moving. Looking around the room, Kaidan saw everyone, humans and turians alike staring at him, too shock to move.

"Shit." Kaidan whispered.

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><p>They sat him in the office with a guard outside the door. No one knew just what to do with him. Vyrnnus was dead, Kaidan had snapped his neck. He would have been impressed at himself for the incredible display of power, if he had not been so scared. Everyone agreed it had been in self-defense; Vyrnnus had gone too far, not only with Rahna but also with his punishment on Kaidan. Vyrnnus had probably gotten what he deserved but the fact still remained, Kaidan had killed a turian commander. There would be a political shit storm if this information was release to the public.<p>

Some pencil pusher had come and seen him earlier, telling him there was no need to discuss what had happened at BAat. That his parents would not want to know that he killed someone. He had gone on to say that out of the goodness of their hearts Conatix Industries would not tell them, if he did not speak of it either.

He might have been young but he knew what was happening. Conatix Industries had realized their mistake, they had let this go too far. They planned to shut everything down and seal the files. They probably wanted to just bury this place, forget it had ever happened. But there were too many kids here, too many young mouths to silence. Lucky of them they had distilled enough fear in the students that they could continue to manipulate them. Kaidan was not sure what they would tell the others but he was certain it was something designed to play off their fear and the fear of their parents. Biotic were treated on a mild level of mistrust anyways. A reminder on how 'alien' humans were becoming.

Kaidan stared at the grey metal door, desperately wanting to know if Rahna was alright. He could still hear the sound of her arm breaking; see her on the ground cradling her arm. He rubbed his eyes. God, his head hurt.

He did not have to wait much longer; the door hissed open. The guard who had been posted outside waved his hand at him for him to follow. Leading him to the docking bay, Kaidan could see the other students loading onto the transports. When he entered the docking bay hushed whispers erupted among the students. It did not take a genius to figure out what they were talking about. News of his deeds had spread quickly. There were not that many other kids here after all, and they all knew each other. Human biotics were rare.

He spied Rahna in the crowd; her arm was in a cast, but she looked okay. He waved his hand and called out to her. Relief overcame him, as he grinned broadly. They had made it out; they were going to be okay.

Looking in his direction, she went pale and turned away, moving so that his view of her was blocked by another student. Kaidan's joy turned to confusion; she had never looked at him like that before.

Trying to peek around the other teenagers he could barely see Rahna grabbed the sleeve of their mutual friend, Aaron. Drawing him close she whispered in his ear. Aaron nodded at Rahna and cut out of line jogging up to Kaidan.

He looked nervously up at the guard, who did not seem in the least bit interested in either of them. "You okay?" He asked whispering.

"I'm fine, is Rahna okay?" Kaidan asked rising on his tip toes to try and see around the line of students.

"Kaidan, you scared the shit out of Rahna." Aaron explained, his brow knit and his voice sounded worried.

He looked at his friend bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

"You killed Vyrnnus, broke his neck with a single kick." Aaron recounted as if Kaidan had not been there.

Confused, Kaidan said. "I was trying to protect Rahna. He broke her arm."

"But you killed him." Aaron repeated.

Kaidan's temper flared. "Like I don't know that, look, I just want to talk to Rahna and see if she is okay." Kaidan said trying to push passed Aaron.

It was Aaron, not the guard who grabbed Kaidan firmly by the shoulder. "She doesn't want to talk to you."

Kaidan started at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Rahna told me to tell you, she doesn't wish to see you anymore. She said she is afraid of you and what you have done, of what you could do. Don't make this harder than it already is."

Aaron did look regretful, but Kaidan had a feeling it was less to do with telling a friend goodbye and more to do with the fact he did not approve of Kaidan's actions.

With that Aaron turned and went back to their friends, Kaidan's former friends. He watched them board the transport, not once looking back at him. He knew killing Vyrnnus was wrong, but it had been an accident. He had done it to protect someone he cared about, someone who couldn't defend herself. Vyrnnus had been right about one thing, he had paid dearly for his actions.

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><p><strong>September 19, 2168<strong>

**Mars Orbital Station**

The shuttle terminal was extremely busy. Thousands of people waited for their transports to take them to their destination. These souls would meet only briefly before journeying to the far corners of the galaxy; some to Mars, some to Earth, and some to only-god-knows-where.

If anything was shattered, it was young Kaidan. He felt broken and completely miserable. He sat with his head in his hands waiting for the intercom to announce his shuttle. His head still hurt, it had been pounding since the accident. The bright lights of the terminal only made them worse. However, he did not dare close his eyes; when he closed them he could still see the look Rahna had given him. The utter fear in her dark eyes, directed not at their tyrannical instructor but at him. How could something that seemed like the right thing to do, turn out so wrong?

This nightmare was still not over, he had to go home and face his parents. Should he tell them exactly what happened? That he was the reason that BAaT was closed down? That he killed someone, all for a girl who never really loved him?

Movement made him dart his eyes to the seat next to him. A young girl, maybe a couple years younger than he was, had plopped on the benched roll seating next to him. She wore her gloss black hair in two long braids. Her skin was tanned from warm sun and light freckles peppered her nose and cheeks. An older man who shared enough of her features to be her father was pointing back at her.

"Wait right there. I'm going to go talk to the man and I'll be back in a minute," he instructed sternly.

The girl's shoulders hunched, it was clear she was not happy about being left behind. Satisfied that she was not going to leave her seat the man turned and disappeared into the crowd. The girl dropped her chin to her knuckles almost mirroring Kaidan's pose. Looking over at him she blinked as if noticing him for the first time. She gave him a crooked smile and sat up straight.

"Hey there," she said.

Kaidan looked around wondering for a moment if she was speaking to someone past him. When he looked back at her she was still staring at him waiting for a response.

"Hi," He said shortly. He was more accustomed to strangers giving him annoyed or disgusted looks at worst or trying very hard not to look at him. He was still wearing his BAat uniform after all.

"Where're you headed?" she asked innocently.

"Vancouver."

"Earth?" she asked her eyes lighting up with interest.

Confused he blinked at her. Vancouver might not be the biggest city on Earth but he would have thought all humans would know at least where it was.

"Yeah, Canada."

Her smile spread to lighten up her whole face, "Are you from there?"

He nodded in response.

"That's cool," she was surprisingly perky, "We only came this close 'cause we needed a new harvester and Mars is the only place we can get a good one. Dad tried to order one but they said they couldn't deliver it for at least four months. Not much use for a harvester if harvesting is already over," she laughed at her own joke, then continued when he just stared at her blinking.

"So he said he'll just go pick it up and bring it back with him. I begged him to come along. I wanted to see Earth so badly," she pointed out the port window to the star that shined brighter than the rest. He was mildly surprised, he probably could not have picked out which star was his home world.

"I mean it's right there, but Dad says we don't have the time or money to go sightseeing."

Against his better judgment he contributed to the conversation with more than just one word answers, "You have never been to Earth?"

"No, born on Min-." She started.

"Princess, let's go!" The older man had returned and was waving her over.

Standing up she smiled back at him, "Gotta go, see you around."

Kaidan almost laughed, it was a common form of saying good-bye, but there was no way he would ever see that young ravened hair girl again. She faded from his thoughts almost as quickly as she and her father faded into the crowd.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note:** Some of you might have already read this chapter. It was originally _Field of Innocence_. I just combined it into one big long story. Feel free to skip to the next chapter.

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><p><strong>April 2, 2170<strong>

**Mindoir**

Zody rubbed her eyes against the sunlight shining through her window. Kicking off her covers, she stretched her limbs as far as they would go and yawned. Laying back she wiggled her fingers and toes, trying to wake up her body. Lazily, she glanced at the clock; school started in a few hours.

Heaving a sign she rolled off the bed. Digging through her closet, she tossed her clothes over her head. Pants, shirt, underwear, socks, and shoes bounced unceremoniously onto the bed. After dressing she stopped in front of her full length mirror to primp. Running her long fingers through her ebony hair, it glistened in the sun and fell down her back like silk. Her skin was sun-kissed; the colony was warm and sunny throughout most of the year. Perfect weather for farming, it also gave her plenty of time outside to be young and full of life.

The smell of breakfast cooking drifted into her upstairs bedroom. Padding down the stairs she found her mother placing their warm breakfast on the table. Eggs, France-toast, bacon, and hash browns were place neatly on delicate china. Zody's mother, Hannah was committed homemaker. Their home always looked like a picture out of a woman's editorial magazine. Every detail had been considered, from the drapes, to the napkin holders. Her mother even wore an apron when she cooked.

Hannah was a lovely woman and Zody got her looks from her. She was slender and pretty, but what people noticed first was her striking blue eyes. Blue eyes were a recessive gene and throughout the years it had become rarer to find a human with natural blue eyes. Especially, the livid pale blue that Zody and her mother shared. Hannah kept her hair long were most women had chopped theirs off in favor of an easier to maintain fashion.

Her father, James was already seated at the table absently drinking coffee as he read the mornings news. He was a large man, not fat by any sense of the word, just muscular. His strength came from years of manual labor in the fields. If Zody got her figures and eyes from her mother, then everything else came from her father. He was a gentle soul, and would always try and talk around a problem instead resulting in yelling or throwing punches. Zody got her dark hair and athletic nature from him. He would never have pushed her in to do athletic actives but he was proud when she made the school's track team. Though he made sure she focused on her school work as much as sports. He had also been the one who suggested she take honors classes, and he was there supporting her the whole way.

They both looked up as she jumped the last step on the stair cast. Her mother chimed a, "Good morning, Princess," as her father raised his coffee mug in greeting.

Sliding into her usual sit, she waited for her mother to sit across from her before plopping three pieces of France-toast on her plate, smudging it was butter and syrup. Waiting just long enough for both her parents to have a mouthful of food, she asked. "So, you guys give it any thought?"

Her mother nearly choked on her mouthful as her father forced swallowed his bite. "I thought I said we were going to wait to discuss this later, Princess." He scolded.

Zody melodramatically threw her head backwards. "But Dad, it's been days, I really want to do this."

She was referring to the two Alliance representatives who had shown up at their door a few days ago. A few month's parlor Zody's school had tested the students for biotic potential. Zody had been the only student from her colony selected. With the school on Gagarin Station closed, that left the Alliance as the only place a biotic could train. The representatives had told her parents how rare and exciting this news was and that they should be proud of their daughter. Her parents had nervously thanked them and sent them on their way without giving a clear answer.

Her father was the first to recover, a hint of pride tugged at the corners of his mouth as he glanced over at his wife. Hannah's face was mixed of worry and terror. Clearing his throat behind his hand he resumed his neutral demeanor. "Princess, enlisting in the Alliance is very serious, especially as a biotic. If a major offensive breaks out, I'm sure you would be sent to the front lines."

"Princess, I really don't like the idea." Hannah offered.

Zody passionately told her parents the speech she had repaired days earlier. "Isn't being on the front lines protecting humanity the reason to join the Alliance?"

The future of humanity was in space, surely as colonist her parents could understand that. And that future needed to be protected. It was also no lie that she wanted to be trained to become a better biotic. Without implants all she could do was maybe wiggle a salt shaker if she really concentrated. Being able to pick and throwing someone across the room really had an appeal to a seventeen year old.

Whatever her father was about to say was silences by a low rumbled from outside. Her parents exchanged worried glances before James slowly stood and ventured out the front door. Zody moved to follow him when her mother called out. "No, Zody stay here."

Zody looked back at her mother surprised; neither parent used her name unless they were either worried or angry at her. Instead of going to the door Zody went to the window and craned her neck to try and see down the street. Quietly her mother joined her.

From her vantage point she could see only a few houses down. Several cookie cutter pre-fab homes line the street, each of them had been built as a housing project. Every house was a neutral beige color with a single door and large picture window out from. A small porch was the only other decoration.

Far off in the distance Zody could still hear the low rumble. "That sounds like a ship engine." She told her mother.

Without warning she saw her father tearing around the corner of the farthest house. Even from this distant she could see the fear on his face.

"James?" Hannah said quietly clutching the window seal.

Jumping the steps he busted into the house. "We got to get out of here!" He yelled grabbing both women by the arms and rushing them to the back door.

"James, what is going on?" Hannah cried. "You're scaring me."

James ducked his head outside scanning in both directions. "We have to get to the shelter, Han." Glancing at his daughter then back to his wife, he whispered. "Slavers."

Zody knew she was not supposed to hear that last part. As much as her parents tried to protect her from the horrors of the galaxy, she was not naïve. She had heard stories, smaller colonist then hers had been hit by batarian raids. They enslaved as many people as they could, killed the rest. It did not seem real that it was happening to her.

A rough angry voice caught Zody's attention. Coming through their neighbor's yard was a small group of batarians. They were shouting in their strange language and waving their guns at them. Zody had seen a batarian before. She had gone to town with her father to pick up supplies and there had been a batarian merchant. He seemed nice enough, if a little stoic. They had diamond shaped heads with two pairs of eyes, the smaller set directly above the larger. Their skin tones ranged from green to shades of brown. They were nowhere near as attractive as others alien races and much less friendly toward humans.

James hustled his family behind him. "Please just let us…"

His words were cut off by gunfire. Droplets sprayed Zody's face as she watched her father collapse to the ground. Her mother's screams seemed far away as she stared at the neat little red hole in the back of her father's head. Hannah clutched James' shirt as she wailed, but no matter how many times she screamed his name he did not move.

Acting on motherly instinct Hannah got back to her feet and shoved Zody behind her, as she hid her young from the advancing predator. "Please, no!" She cried.

One of the batarians started shouting at them but without a translator neither of them had any idea what they were yelling. The batarian grabbed Hannah's arm and pulled her away from Zody, forcing her to her knees in front of him. He continued shouting waving his shotgun at them. His yells must have been instructions, for one of the other batarians grabbed a fist full of Zody's hair. She winced in pain as the batarian forcefully jerked her head back. She was too scared to struggle back.

"Let her go! Don't hurt her!" Hannah shrieked at them. Her words fell silent when she turned to see the shotgun pointed down at her. Her eyes widen as she realized her death was at the end of the barrel.

The blast silenced the world to Zody, all she could see was her mother's chest exploding to a red blossom as her body landed on top of her father's. Dull blue eyes stared up at her daughter. Zody went numb from head to toe as she stared at her mother. A voice deep inside her screamed for her to fight back, to run, to hide, to do anything, but she simply stared at the bodies before her.

The batarians did not give her time to grieve or to accept what she just seen. The one who held a fist full of her hair began to pull her around the house. Her body went with him for a moment before something finally broke and she fell back into realty. If she went with them, she would be gone. Not in the matter her mother and father were gone, she would be a slave. A pet for a cruel alien master, suffering horrors and indignities never meant to be inflicted on one sapient creature to another. Giving out a somewhat pitiful attempt at a war cry she twisted out of his grip, leaving several strains of black hair in the batarians fist. He blinked all four eyes at her in astonishment as she reared back and punched him square in the face. He clutched his bleeding nose and cried out. He really had not expected a pretty little human girl to fight back.

Not wasting a moment she bolted between the houses. Out front she saw several more batarians heading her way, wheeling cages behind them. Some were empty, others filled to capacity with her neighbors and friends. She could hear people crying and screeching in pain. Forcing herself not to understand what she was seeing she turned and ran. The batarians shouting after her as she sprinted down the street.

Zody did not know where she was going; she just knew she had to run. Her lungs felt like she was breathing fire as she franticly she tried to think of a place she could hide. Not paying attention to where she was going, she failed to see the batarian in front of her until it was too late. Stretching out one hand he clothed lined her sending her flying head over heel. She landed on the ground hard, knocking the wind out of her. With her body still in flee mode she was trying to get to her feet, when the batarian grabbed the front of her shirt and began screaming at her. From his pocket it pulled out a cranial implant. It was a wicked looking device, design to control its victim. Holding it in front of her face he grinned madly as her eyes widen in horror. Then he struck her, her head bouncing against the gravel road.

Grabbing Zody's jaw roughly he jerked her head to the side as she screamed and thrashed at him. When she felt the sharp end of the implant brush up against the back of her neck, despair set in. Her parents were died, her home was burning, and she was going to be a slave.

Just as she felt the tip of the implant pierce her skin, his head mysteriously jerked to the side and he fell over to the ground. Blinking at him dumbfound she seen the bloody round hole that went through one side of his head and out the other. Alien blood mixed with the dust and gravel.

"Kid you alright?" Someone shouted.

Still in shock she turned to see a young man running toward her, flanked by a handful of other men. All of them wore dull gray combat armor and carried military assault rifles. Immediately, Zody recognized the symbol painted on their armor, the Alliance. They were a sight to behold, charging across the street to where she lay. No Alliance propaganda film could compare to what they were actually like. They were heroes, the bravest of the brave.

Her hands went to the back of her neck. "Get it out! Get it out!" She shrieked fumbling with the implant that was imbedded just under the surface of her skin.

The young soldier dropped to his knee next to her. His gentle hands pushed hers away as he grabbed the end of the implant. "Hold on, this is going to hurt." He coached her.

With a quick jerk he pulled the implant free, throwing it into the grass. He moved so he could look her in the face. "You okay?" He repeated.

All her could do was nod.

"Are there more?" He asked. Even through his helm she could see the sympathy in his eyes.

Pointing behind she said. "They came from that way. There are a bunch of them. They have a ship."

"How many are there?" Said one of the other marines, his voice gruff and much less sympathetic.

"She doesn't know! She has been running for her life, Clark." Snapped her rescuer.

Determined not to let them down, she willed herself to remember what she had seen as she fled. There had been three batarians who killed her parents, there had been one batarian with each cage, and there had been twelve cages. Seven of them filled with people, most of them her age or younger.

"Fifteen batarians, they are loading people into cages, mostly kids. They…they are killing everyone older than that." She reported to them hoping she did not sound as unhinged as she felt.

The marine nodded as she talked. "Definitely a slave raid." He said when she had finished. Standing he pointed to two of the marines. "Franklin, Loughran, stay with the kid and secure the area. Zabaleta, Clark, with me."

"Aye, aye, Commander." Zabaleta said.

With that they charged down the street. Zody watching them go until Franklin touched her shoulder and motioned her to hide in one of the nearby houses.

Hours past as Zody sat in her hiding place hugging her knees to her chest, rocking slowly back and forth. Her mother's screams echoing in her ears. Her parent's bodies burned in her vision. For some strange reason she could not cry. She knew she should be but her eyes remained dry as she stared at her knees.

The two marines came in every once in a while to check on her. Franklin gave her a cantina of water and applied omni-gel to her neck and on the busted lip the batarian had given her. He apologized saying that it would probably scar. She nodded numbly at him, she did not care anymore. Neither asked her about what happened before they arrived. They saw the haunted look in her eyes and decided not to pry.

Another low rumble made her glance out the window. The batarian ship rose off into the smoke filled skies. They were fleeing, heading back into the sky that Zody had once found comforting and so full of promise.

She returned to her slow rocking. She thought of her classmates, her friends, her teachers, her neighbors who were either taken or dead. She thought of her parent's. What was she going to do now? Had her grandparents or some of her cousins survived? If not then what?

Outside she could hear raised voice. Slowly standing, she numbly walked to the door.

The commander and his squad had returned. Zabaleta had taking off his helm and was yelling. "We have to go after them! They took half the colony. All those people! They took kids!"

Glancing over his shoulder the commander saw Zody standing in the doorway. With a simple raise of his hand he shut the Lieutenant up. "We have done all we can, we have to help the one left behind now. Radio the Einstein let them know we need immediate relief add."

"Aye, Aye, Sir." Frankin saluted but the commander was already walking over toward Zody.

Stopping in front of her, he removed his helm. He was a good looking man, maybe late twenties early thirties. Tucking his helm under his arm he nodded at her. "Name is Commander Kyle Fairchild of the Alliance Military. What's your name, kid?"

"Zody Shepard." She whispered, the last Shepard.

Staring at him she made up her mind. On the morning of her eighteen birthday she would join the Alliance, to ensure this would never happen to another colony. She would stand between the innocent people of the galaxy and the horrors that sought to destroy them.


	3. Chapter 3

**January 15, 2173**

**Archturus Station**

Kyle Fairchild threw his arm around Shepard's shoulder and held her tight in a one armed hug. Like dozens of other cadets, they were on their way to celebrate their hard won graduation from their Alliance training. Shepard had even more to celebrate the most to them; a N7 was boldly pinned to her dress uniform jacket.

"Proud of you kid," Kyle said affectionately.

In the years since the raid, Kyle had become Shepard's benefactor. For some reason he felt a personal need to make sure that the skinny survivor from Mindoir made it to womanhood. He had seen that she was placed with a good foster family and even coached her into going for Special Forces training when she enlisted in the Alliance.

He was not entirely sure if it was because of the raid, but in spite of not being quiet nineteen, this spunky girl had surprised him greatly. He constantly forgot she was six years younger than him.

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><p><strong>March 28, 2173<strong>

**Mars Navy Base**

Kaidan stared down at the dark locks of hair falling onto his lap, the sound of electric hair shears buzzed in his ears. He knew what they were doing; it was a military practice hundreds of years old. Cutting a new recruit's hair was just another of the countless ways they would break their wills. The Alliance needed them broken to build them back up into the soldiers they wanted. He understood it, knew it was necessary but it did not make it any less pathetically depressing to watch one's hair drifting indifferently to the tiled floor.

"Move, maggot," barked the callous butcher with the shears.

Grudgingly Kaidan hoisted himself out of the barber's chair to let the next poor cadet have his hair hacked off. This one had shoulder length locks of golden hair. He turned severally shades of green as he sat down; gripping the arm rests so hard his knuckles turned white. Kaidan turned to leave not wanting to see a grown man cry over his own hair.

Right before the door, Kaidan caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He stopped and rubbed his hand over the painfully short stubble of dark hair.

Giving out a long sigh he thought of how he found himself once again a peon for the Alliance. It was not a decision he had made idly or quickly. He had even waited four years after the minimum recruitment age to enlist. He had not done it for a free education, he had not done it because chicks dig a man in uniform, he had not done it to be a chest bumping bad ass, and he certainly had not done it to try and get his father's approval. He had done it because he wanted to; him, Kaidan Alenko, no one else.

The Dream, Kaidan almost laughed out loud, that's what it was pure and simple. The recruitment ads had played that tired old slogan over and over for years now. But it was what he had always wanted.

As a soldier he could get out there, fight the bad guys, save the day, and help make the galaxy a little more bearable. Staying home feeling sorry for himself won't help anyone. This time he would do things right. There were trillions of people in the galaxy, if he could help just a handful of those people he could feel like his life was worth something.

* * *

><p><strong>August 16, 2177<strong>

**Akuze**

A Cerberus operative sighted through the scope of his sniper rifle at a young dark haired woman. She looked like hell; blood was running down the left side of her face. One hand clutched her side indicating an injury there, probably a couple broken ribs. Her rifle hung in her other hand like she barely had the strength to carry it. Somehow she managed to limp her way up the raise and away from the thresher maw nest; she was the only marine who had.

He moved his finger to rest on the trigger, ready to take the shot and end the woman's unfortunate life, "One marine escaped. Orders to terminate?"

From his office light years away the Illusive Man was observing the steaming footage his operative was transmitting. His chin rested on his knuckles as he watched the young woman struggle to get to safety. Her face was a mix of agony and determination. Like rage was the only thing that made her place one foot in front of the other.

Curious, he tapped a handful of keys and the dossier of the woman popped up in front of him floating next to the video feed.

Lieutenant Zody Shepard: born and raised on Mindoir, enlisted on her eighteenth birthday, adept, special forces training, top of her class, several commendations. Flagging her dossier, he then opened the communications between him and the sniper.

"No, we will watch this one. Un-jam communications; allow her to radio for help."

"Sir, yes sir," the operative responded pointing his rifle away from the woman and shook his head. After what she had just went through it might have been more merciful to put a bullet between her pretty eyes.

* * *

><p>"For the love of God, someone please respond!" Shepard shouted through her mic for what seemed like the thousandth time.<p>

"Lieutenant?" The pilot of the SSV Dallas responded.

"Mission critical, we were attacked! Giant subterranean aliens came up from the ground and attack us," Shepard relayed trying to keep her voice steady. She knew she was going into first stages of shock.

"Lieutenant," It was Captain Huang voice boomed over the comm., "I'm sending you the pickup location. How many are still alive, how many need medical attention?"

Looking behind her she stared at what was left of the colony of Akuze. Those creatures still were raging through the colony. They seemed furious that these alien buildings still stood on their planet. Under different circumstances Shepard would have been fascinated by their sheer size and ferocity, like watching a shark shred apart its prey. However, it was the bodies of her comrades they were tearing apart along with the colony.

Kyle was dead, Toombs was dead, everyone was dead. She knew she should feel pain, anger, something, anything. Yet as she watched the aliens roar and erupt from the ground she only felt empty, like she was watching everything unfold third person.

"Lieutenant, report!" she realized he had been trying to get her attention for a while now, "How many are with you? Does anyone need medical attention?" Huang repeated, he sound irritated by her lack of response.

"There is no one else, sir," her voice was hollow and distant, "I'm the only one."

It was Huang's turned to be silent for a moment, when he spoke again his voice had lost its hard edge, "Do you need medical attention, Shepard?"

Shepard's body had begun to shake and she felt clammy and cold. Her chest hurt, every breath was agony. The blood pouring down her face blinded her left eye and she was pretty sure her arm was broken, "Yes, sir."

The shuttle landed only a couple of yards away. It had barely settled when the hatch opened and the lead medical officer and his aides rushed out. Taking a few uneasy steps toward them Shepard heard the medic call out her name right before her vision went black and she fell, face first, onto the cold dirt.

From then on she faded in and out of consciousness. She remembered the feeling of the shuttle shaking as it escaped Akuze's atmosphere. It rattled her to the core making her cry out. The medical officer was there in a second with an injection in the neck and everything faded to black again.

When she finally came back, she was in the Dallas' medical bay. Her arm in a case and bandages covering her hands, chest, and her left eye was covered. The doctor told her she did, in fact, have a broken arm and four cracked ribs. There was small gash above her eye as well has some minor burns on her hands were she had touched the worms' acid.

He told her those aliens were called thresher maws. While she had been sleeping the Captain had been investigating what those things were that had killed his marines.

The doctor saw her struggling to hold back her tears. He left trying to give her some privacy. Once he was gone the tears came unrestrained. There was no one left in her life. Her family, her friends, and her comrades were gone. They had all died violently by the horrors this galaxy had released upon them. They had died because there had been no one to stand and defend them.

Kyle was more family than her foster family had been. At first he had been like a big brother to her, but slowly as she grew older it had become something more. There had even been talks of marriage and kids, but then something had changed. Out of the blue he had pulled her aside and told her he wanted to break it off. His reason, he said, was because she did not actually love him. She loved what he was, not who he was. He told her she was not in love with a soldier; she was in love with being a soldier.

It had taken a long time after that for them to mend their friendship. They had just in time for her to be assigned to his unit. Their first major mission, investigate the missing pioneer team on Akuze. Now he was gone. For her part she had tried to save him. The burns on her hands were testament to that.

Taking a deep sharp breath she willed herself to stop crying. She took in her sorrow and rage, burying in deep within herself. Staring up at the medical bay ceiling she swore that she would make herself stronger. She would be that wall that stood between the people of the galaxy and the tragedies that had shattered her life. No one else would suffer as she had. Angrily, she wiped her tear stained cheek. She would never cry in front of someone ever again. People would only see her confidence and determination.

* * *

><p><strong>August 22, 2177<strong>

**SSV Manila**

The barracks was crowded with off duty soldiers, some watched the vid, some played cards, and some were writing home. Kaidan lounged on his bunk reading quietly, when Corporal Rains' long low whistle caught Kaidan's attention. He looked over his datapad to the group of marines huddled around the vid screen.

"Check that honey out. I wish we had chicks that fine here," Rains announced loud enough for the whole barracks to hear causing most of them to raise their head to see the woman in question.

From the angle Kaidan sat on his bed he had a fairly good look at the screen. One side of the screen showed a service picture of a young female marine. The other side was streaming video of an aerial view of a colony and then switched to images of a beaten and bloody woman. It took Kaidan a moment to realize the two women were one in the same.

"Jesus, Rains she lost her whole unit. Don't you think it is kind of disrespectful to talk about how hot she is?" MacLean spoke up, and then pointed to the screen, "Besides, look, they just said she is an N7. I bet she knows eight different ways to kill you with a spoon."

Rains looked over his shoulder and caught Kaidan staring at them. "What do you think 'Lenko?" He said purposely mispronouncing his name as he thumped at the screen. "Would you give this chick a roll in the hay or what?"

Kaidan sighed and rolled his eyes, "You're sick, Rains."

Rains scoffed and turned back to the vid, "Never seen so many fags."

A chorus of outcries, insults, and cursing rang up around the room.

"Are you seriously telling me you wouldn't tap that?"

"I'm not answering that," Kaidan said returning to his datapad.


	4. Chapter 4

**June 21, 2183**

**SSV Normandy**

The new crew of the SSV Normandy assembled in the cargo bay in attention. As the head of the Normandy marines, Kaidan stood at the far end of the formation, eyes forward and hands at his side as Captain Anderson and the executive officer climbed up the ramp onto the ship.

The Normandy was a beautiful ship, a hybrid of turian and human design. She was a frigate class starship, sleek, fast, and powerful.

"Ten-hut," Kaidan shouted once Anderson and the XO were aboard, and the Normandy crew saluted.

Anderson nodded approving, "At ease."

Feet shoulder width apart, Kaidan clasped his hands behind his back and the rest of the crew echoed him. Their training and discipline showed. Each member of the crew had been handpicked for the shakedown run of the Alliance's most advance warship.

Marching in front of the line of soldiers, Anderson eyed each of them and nodded slowly. The captain was a tall man, everything about him from his polished shoes, pressed uniform, to his buzzed hair screamed soldier. He had made serving in the Alliance a career and he was very good at his job. Almost every soldier in the Alliance had at least heard of Anderson. He was a legend.

As they passed before them, Kaidan got a good view of the XO; Lieutenant Commander Zody Shepard. He knew her by reputation only. She had almost as many metals as the captain, beside being an N7. He had heard of her skill as a soldier, what he did not expect was how beautiful she would be. Light freckled skin, obsidian hair, a graceful athletic body, she could easily be the envy of any woman and desire of any man. He had to fight to keep his eyes forward; odds were he was not the only one having this much trouble. But what caught his attention the most were her eyes, they were a piercing pale blue. He wondered for a moment if they were real or genetically modified. They stared forward, neutral but observing everything around her, like she might be tested on the details of the cargo bay.

If Anderson was a legend then Shepard right behind him. Kaidan remembered years ago watching the news feed of the tragedy of Akuze. It had been a tale straight out of a horror vid. A unit of marines were sent to investigate why an outlining colony lost contact. As they camp for the night, giant space monsters attacked, killing everyone but one sole survivor who managed to stumble her way to the landing zone bloody and broken. Much had been said about that mission, some said it was her will to survive, others that she was just really lucky. The trouble about being lucky, it was not always a good thing.

Though her eyes stared impartially, she looked kind, almost sweet. Seeing her now he would have never picked her out to be the famous Commander Shepard. She really did not fit the stereotype for a female soldier. He wondered how hard she had to work to remind people she was a soldier first and a woman second. There was not anything remotely masculine about her; glossy hair was tucked neatly behind her ears, her uniform hinted at the lovely, muscle toned body underneath. She was beautiful, intoxicating, confident, and completely intimating.

Anderson stopped in front of the crew, Shepard shadowing him. "You have been briefed on the mission; we are heading to Eden Prime. We will have a guest aboard for this mission; Agent Nihlus of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance."

As if on cue a turian stalked up the ramp, he wore full combat armor and was armed to the teeth. Several crew members shifted uncomfortably. Kaidan had not expected this. A Spectre was a big deal, a special agent for the Citadel. They were like the secret agents of the corny vids he use to watch as a kid. Over dramatic, devilishly handsome men who would swoop in to save the day and always got the girl.

The truth was much more mundane and a lot more dangerous. They were given a license to do whatever they wanted, as long as in the end they were doing it for the good of the Council. However, the Council did not pick just any gun toting badass to become a Spectre. They looked for people who had been tempered in the fire of battle. A Spectre who was given a goal would not only get it done, he would excel at it.

"I expect you all to treat our guest with respect," He paused for a moment before continuing. "I do not believe I have to remind you that this mission is top secret and nothing you see or hear here is allowed to leave this ship," Anderson paused again letting his words sink in. "You all know your posts, please report to them, dismissed."

The crew saluted and began to work their way to their previously appointed stations. Hanging back, Kaidan waited for most of the crew to work their way to the upper deck. There was no point in him trying to cram himself into the elevator with a dozen other people.

Instead he thought about the upcoming mission. Eden Prime was humanity's oldest and most secure colony. A half blind inept captain could pull off this mission no problem. But the Normandy was not assigned to just any captain. She had been handed over to Captain David Anderson. The man had seen more action then every soldier on the Normandy combined. He had served in the first contact war and even been in the first wave to liberate Shanxi. Not to mention probably several dozen missions that never made the news. Then there was Commander Shepard, another highly decorated soldier and a turian Spectre. Plus the crew rooster was nothing to yawn about either. Several crewmen, including him had been given special commendations for their service. This crew could do this mission in their sleep. It did not make sense.

Turning Kaidan bumped into the person behind him.

"Sorry…" was out of his mouth before he realized who he had run into. He was looking eye to eye with Shepard. His hand went automatically to his forehead to salute.

"Commander."

"It's alright, Lieutenant," Her full lips lifted into a pretty smile. She held out her hand for him to shake. Hesitantly his right hand came down from his brow to clasp her outstretched hand. The moment his hand clasped hers a spark of static electricity jumped between them.

They both jumped and let go of the other's hand. Shepard looked slightly embarrassed as she shook the static charge off her hand. "Sorry, that normally doesn't happen. One of the perks of being a biotic; Human battery, you know."

"You're biotic?" Kaidan asked, he stammered actually. He had not expected to be stationed with another biotic let alone find out that his XO was one.

"Yeah, another Jedi," Shepard grinned wickedly.

Kaidan could not help but smile. It was nice to meet someone else with an appreciation for old science-fiction film.

There was an unspoken kinship between biotics, an understanding in other words. They knew since they were young, that their 'gift' could have easily gone entirely the other way and they could be dead or insane.

Low survival rates due to element zero exposure was not the only thing that challenge a human biotic, even in this day in age, people were still held onto their intolerance for anything different than themselves, biotics included. There were still fundamentalist groups who believed biotics were unnatural if not downright evil. Others believed they could control minds. In fact the Alliance was one of the only groups out there that not only welcomed biotics but also offered incentives for joining. Having soldiers that could lift and throw people and objects had proven to be was very useful in the field.

On top of the prejudices was the demands for bodily up keep. High calorie food rations and energy drinks were needed to maintain the huge physical strain required to generate enough dark energy to, say, push an enemy across the room.

"I read your dossier, another biotic, I'm happy to be serving with you, Lieutenant Alenko," She explained reading his confusion.

She looked him up before hand? Well, of course she did, Kaidan reminded himself, she was the executive officer as well as the squad leader for the ground team. It was her job to know who would be at her back while groundside. Nodding, he returned her warm smile and said, "Likewise, Commander Shepard."

* * *

><p><strong>June 22, 2183<strong>

**Eden Prime**

Kaidan looked up in time to see Shepard being jerked up into the air. He called her name and instinct made him grab for her but a firm grip pulled him back.

"No, it's too dangerous!" Ashley warned.

_But it's my fault_, Kaidan's mind screamed.

In his curiosity he had stepped too close to the beacon, somehow triggering what seemed to be a defense mechanism. He found himself being pulled toward the beacon. His boots skidded against the platform as he tried to stop himself. As he was jerked into the air Shepard tackled him throwing him out of the way, only to be caught in the beacon's pull.

Shepard's fists were clenched as her body seized. The beacon began to glow brighter with the strange green light as the faint hum increased in volume. A final surge pulsed from the beacon before it exploded, sending Shepard flying. She hit the ground hard and did not move.

Stunned Ashley let go of Kaidan and he scrambled to her side. _Please, let her be alive_, he prayed. He gently rounded her over and checked her pulse.

"Is she alright?" Ashley asked standing over them, her voice shaking slightly.

"Yeah, just unconscious. We got to get her back to the ship," Kaidan touched the comm button on the side of his helmet. "Normandy, where is that pick up?"

"Alenko?" Joker answered. "Where is the Commander?"

"The Commander is hurt. We need Dr. Chakwas standing by."

Gingerly he tucked one arm under her neck and scooped her legs up with the other. Lifting her, he was instantly shock about how small she was. Even with her armor and weapons, she was much lighter than he expected. Somehow he thought she should weigh more. The famous Commander Shepard should not be this small and fragile.

* * *

><p>"Medic!" Ashley cried up the ramp as she sprinted ahead of Kaidan.<p>

Carefully Kaidan climbed the ramp into the Normandy's cargo bay. After carrying Shepard's limp form this far, he would never forgive himself if he dropped her here now. Ashley had tried to volunteer to carry her for a part of the way but Kaidan refused. He somehow felt it should be his punishment for getting her into this mess. However now that he thought about it, carrying a beautiful woman in his arms was not much of a punishment.

Chakwas appeared with a stretcher as soon as he reached the top of the ramp, she had Shepard's helm off almost before Kaidan could lay her down. She instantly went to work as they wheeled her to the elevator, checking her for a pulse, blood pressure, broken bones, or bleeding.

"What happened?" Chakwas asked Kaidan, her hands began undoing her combat armor.

As a field medic Kaidan raced next to her explaining on the way, "The Prothean beacon over loaded and knocked her out. It…it picked her up in the air before exploding and throwing her."

Chakwas took her eyes off Shepard long enough to look up at Kaidan. That was clearly a new one she had not heard before.

"Just some bruising. Heart rate at 47 BPM. Beta waves are off the charts," Chakwas murmured returning to Shepard. He was not sure if she was talking to him or herself, "No major bleeding, broken bones, or internal trauma. I don't see anything to indicate why she is comatose."

The elevator brought them to deck two. The door hissed open revealing Anderson looking less than happy. His eyes fell on Shepard's unconscious form. She was much paler then she should have been; her light freckles were now bold against her skin. Anderson's eyes darted back up to Kaidan.

A geth attack, an incapacitated XO, a dead crewmember and Spectre was clearly not what Anderson had expected out of this mission. Plus with the beacon destroyed that official made this a botched mission. The only good thing that came out of this was that Shepard had managed to save the colony. Not that it had been part of the original mission objective. Since Kaidan the only member of the Normandy ground team still on both feet it fell to him to explain exactly what had since the moment their boots hit planet side.

"Lieutenant, report," He commanded. He sound angry or at least very irritated, he required a good explanation.

Chakwas pushed pass them and rushed Shepard into the med-bay. Kaidan watched them briefly before turning his full attention to the captain. Slowly he relayed everything that had happened from the time they landed to when they were picked up.

* * *

><p><strong>June 23, 2183<strong>

**SSV Normandy**

A bright pin light shined into Kaidan's eye, he flinched at the sheering light. Flashing the light away then back again, Chakwas studied his eyes.

"Everything looks normal…" She absently spoke aloud.

"Really Doctor, I'm fine," Kaidan assured her, jumping off the examining table when she stepped away.

The older woman was staring at Shepard's still incapacitated body, Her arms folded over her chest and a deep crease between her brows. Chakwas was worried, it had nearly been fifteen hours and Shepard showed no signs of coming around. The doctor had Ashley and Kaidan in and out the med-bay questioning about the beacon and everything they touched, smelled, or seen on Eden Prime. Kaidan had become her favorite test subject once she found out he had also been touched by it, if briefly.

"You did not feel or see anything when the beacon had you?" Chakwas repeated the question she had already asked him a dozen times.

Shaking his head stepped up to Shepard's bedside. "Nothing, just a pull like an invisible hand dragging me to toward the beacon."

"And we don't know what the beacon was used for?" Another question she had already asked.

"No, ma'am."

Rubbing her forehead she turned away from Shepard and went to her console. Kaidan remained by his commander's side. His chest became tight with guilt as he stared down on the sleeping woman. Some of her color had returned and she freckles no longer stood out so darkly. The slow rhythmic raise and fall of her chest made it look like she was merely sleeping.

It was his fault she was in this state. He had been careless and stupid and now his commander was paying for his mistake.

He had heard stories about Commander Shepard every now and then, during his military career, mostly over heard in the mess hall. One serviceman had called her a crazy bitch, saying she had to be out of her mind to go on some of the missions she had been on. The Alliance loved her; they sent her on impossible missions, one right after another. When Kaidan had seen her name on the crew roster, he had been genuinely excited. What a waste if some ancient alien artifact was what brought down this driven woman.

Blinking Kaidan leaned closer; he could have sworn he just saw her mouth twitch. "Shepard?" He whispered. Her brow twitched in reaction to her name being called.

"Doctor," Kaidan raised his voice to get her attention. "Doctor Chakwas, I think she is waking up."

Sitting down in the mass hall he glanced over to where Shepard was talking with Williams. After being comatose for fifteen hours she seemed alright. Shaking his head he wondered how it had looked to her to find him waiting by her side. If she thought it odd, she had not said anything. She had simply reassured him that it was not his fault about the beacon and then gave him her thanks for carrying her back to the Normandy.

After she had spoken with Anderson she came out of the med-bay and found him waiting for her. He had apologized about losing Jenkins, twice actually. Nodding solemnly she had agreed it had been a rough mission. She seemed pleased about his knowledge of politics and asked him about his military career. In returned he asked her family and instantly regretted it.

Pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought of his banter, he had no idea she was from Mindoir. Not that he really would, it was not part of a common introduction between officers.

'Hi, I'm from Mindoir, most my family and friends are either dead or slaves to cruel alien masters.' He wondered how she was even a functioning human being. Coupled with the tragedy on Akuze he would have expected her to be in a padded cell not the executive officer on the Alliance most advance warship.

"She is really something, ain't she?" Kaidan looked up to see Ashley sitting down across from him. Glancing around the mess, he did not see Shepard. She must have left when he was not looking.

"I mean," Ashley continued, "I have never meant anyone who handles the craziest things so well. Most commanders take out blown mission on their subordinate."

"That is the difference between a good commander and a bad one," Kaidan explained.

Ashely nodded thoughtfully and then continued her questions. "So how long have you been working with Shepard?"

Shrugging Kaidan said, "I only just meet her, maybe forty-something hours ago."

Cocking one eye brow she said. "Really? By the why you to act toward each other, hell by the way you to fight together, I would have thought you guys were old childhood friends or something."

There was something to what Ashley said. It was rare to work on a ground mission with another biotic. Military training had not really covered that possibly. There was far too few human biotic in the Alliance to have more than one serving on a warship at any given time. Yet the two of them had taken together fairly quickly.

Earlier on Eden Prime, they had nearly been surrounded by husks, Shepard had looked back at him with a cocked grin and shouted.

"Lift and separate, Lieutenant!"

Grinning like an idiot, Kaidan knew instantly what she was talking about while Ashley had stared at her dumbfounded. Reaching out his hand he had dropped the mass around a group of husks lifting them into the air and Shepard sent out a powerful biotic kick slamming them into the cliff facing.

Ashley had laughed, "I get it, lift and separate. Pretty funny, Commander."

Returning his thoughts to the present Kaidan just shrugged, "The commander is just a good leader."

His thoughts drifted back to Shepard again, the way her full lips playfully would turn up into a secret smile. How her bright eyes reminded him of a swirling mass effect field. They seemed to be able to look past any masquerade and see the person underneath, commanding you to tell her all your dirty little secrets.

Recalling their mission, he remembered when they had ducked behind cover. Unable to help himself he had dared a peak at the way her long legs rose up to form that perfect ass.

"Alenko!" Shepard's voice nearly made him jump out of his skin. "Williams! You guys want to see the best view in the galaxy?"

_I think I already have,_ Kaidan thought to himself trying furiously not to let his thoughts show on his face. He was grateful that rumors about biotics reading minds were false.


	5. Chapter 5

**June 23, 2183**

**Citadel, Chora's Den**

Harkin smiled slimily at Shepard, his eyes staring hungrily at her hips. Perverted thoughts clear on his face, "Whatever you say, princess."

Kaidan watched as a physical change came over the Commander. Her whole body went rigid and her hands tightened into fists. "Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth off the floor, just tell me where I can find Garrus," She actually growled.

Ashley and Kaidan exchanged glances; neither had ever heard the commander truly threaten anyone like that. A matter of seconds ago Harkin had propositioned her and she had just brushed him off. He calls her princess and she looked like she was going to drill a bullet between his eyes. Both soldiers thought digestion was the better part of valor and kept their mouths shut, letting Shepard finish her talk with the corrupt ex-C-Sec officers.

* * *

><p><strong>June 24, 2183<strong>

**SSV Normandy**

Kaidan placed his weapons and armor into his locker. This had been one of the most bizarre weeks of his life. It had all started with a typical shakedown run to humanity's most stable colony. Now Shepard was a Spectre and they were launching a new mission to take down a rogue Spectre and his synthetic army.

"Psst," Kaidan raised his head and looked around the cargo bay, "Psst," Glancing over at Ashley's station he saw the marine trying as subtly as possible to get his attention. She was doing a poor job of it; she was probably causing more attention to be drawn to her by the way she was leaning against her station toward him.

"What?" Kaidan asked her trying very hard not to sound annoyed.

Waving her hand as discreetly as possible, she signaled him to come over to her. Irritated he walked up to her station. "What is it, Williams?"

"What the hell happened back at Chora's Den?" Ashley whispered. "Why did Shepard go off when Harkin called her princess?"

Holding out his hands uselessly, Kaidan said. "I don't know Williams, it's not my place, nor yours to know."

"Well, I want to know if there are any more nicknames that piss her off," Ashley explained.

"If there are, I'm sure she will tell you." Kaidan reasoned. "If you are so concerned about what names anger her, then why don't you ask her?"

"'Cause she likes you better," Ashley told him.

"Me?" Kaidan asked bewildered.

"Yeah, she is always bringing you with her to shore and asking for your input about what we're doing," Ashely told him.

Kaidan thought back, Shepard had dragged him all over the Citadel chasing down clues on Saren, while she had left Ashley at the embassy in favor of Garrus or Wrex. Back on the Normandy she had pumped out his every thought about the mission so far. Then before that in the Wards, instead of getting mad at his accidental slip of the tongue, she had graciously accepted it as a compliment. There might be something to what Ashley was saying however…

"I'm head of the Normandy's Marines, that only makes sense."

"Come on LT, of all of us here she is least likely to get mad at you," Ashley tried.

Kaidan nodded rubbing his forehead, "That isn't comforting."

"What can I say; I just have a way with words," She grinned.

"Alright, I'll ask her about it," Kaidan said finally giving in, "But if she asks I'm blaming it all on you."

Her grinned broaden. "Deal, at least you won't be alone peeling potatoes."

* * *

><p>Kaidan entered the mess hall to find Shepard thoughtfully enjoying a cup of coffee. He poured himself a cup and sat down across from her. She smiled warmly and nodded to him.<p>

"I never got a chance to congratulate you now becoming the first human Spectre. That must be quiet humbling, ma'am," Kaidan said.

"Just hoping I don't screw it up," She modestly confessed raising mug to her nose enjoying the warm aroma.

"I'm sure you'll do a lot better as a Spectre then Harkin did as a C-Sec officer," Kaidan prayed she would not see through his strategic change of topics. However trying to outwit Shepard was like playing with fire. She was smart and quick and her mind worked a mile per minute. Not only could she successfully navigate a battlefield but she also had the political prowess of a seasoned bureaucrat. Her silver tongue had helped them out on more than one occasion.

She eyed him over the rim of her coffee mug, the flicker in her clever eyes let him know she knew where he was going with this line of conversation. After taking a careful sip she played along. "He was just low life scum; who only understands and respects threats."

Knowing he had already been catch he went ahead with his question. "I never thought I would hear you threaten to knock out someone's teeth like that. I mean, why does the name princess bother you so much?" He paused realizing how personal that sounded then add hurriedly, "If you don't mind me asking, ma'am."

She sat her mug down and sighed heavily, "It's alright, Alenko. I did kind of go off on Harkin for no real reason. But it is deeply personal."

"Never mind then, Commander. I'm sorry I asked," Kaidan said waving his hand trying to erase the question from the air.

"No, it's fine. I'm sure Williams put you up to asking about it," Stunned Kaidan blinked at her. How had she seen through that so easily?

It was not the first time Ashley had asked about Shepard. Ashley had been drilling him for answers since they met. She had not been satisfied with his ignorance when it came to the lesser known facts of Shepard's personal life. Her line of thought had been, that since Kaidan had served with the commander longer he should know more about her, regardless to the fact they had only actually served barely a week together.

"The truth is this goes back to my family. My parents use to call me Princess. They used it more than my name. It just bothers me to hear anyone call me that; especially in the manner Harkin used it," She confessed.

Kaidan felt kind of ashamed of their earlier gossip. This was not the way to become comrades and friends with his superior officer, "I'm sorry, Commander. We shouldn't have even discussed it behind your back."

The corners of her mouth tugged up into a smile. She had a great smile, he wished she showed it more; it was quickly becoming the highlight of his day. "Kaidan, trust me, its fine. You didn't know. Hell, Harkin didn't know. I shouldn't have let a drunk get under my skin so easily."

The use of his first name was not lost to him; Kaidan gave her an easy smile. "Any other pet names I should know about?"

Shepard raised an eye brow at him. "And why would you need to know pet names for me, Lieutenant?"

Kaidan realized his mistake far too late. This was not like him, he was always careful, so terribly careful with every action he took, every word he spoke. Yet, for some reason when he was around her he could not focus. His mind reeled for a way out of the mess he had just placed himself in.

"So Williams and I know when to duck and cover if someone calls you something like that. Pissing you off seems to be unhealthy," Not the best save but it was passable and seemed to work.

That made her smile again. Damn, she really did have a great smile.

"No, just the one," Shepard looked thoughtfully, she was silent long enough to make Kaidan think she was going to say nothing more.

He could see her mind working behind her blue eyes, he was sure she was remembering something from her past. Had she been a different woman he might have tried to comfort her by taking her hand. However, not only was he sure that Shepard was not the type of woman who could simply be comforted by holding her hand, it would have been highly inappropriate to do with his commanding officers. No matter how striking and intriguing she was.

When she spoke her voice was so low he had to lean forward to hear her.

"Mindoir was my inspiration for joining the Alliance, you know."

Kaidan nodded solemnly, "I can imagine."

Shepard stared down at the dark liquid; she ran her thumb around the rim of the mug. "Well, yes I want to ensure it would never happen to anyone else. But it was more than that. It was the first time I'd ever seen Alliance soldiers. I remember watching them sweep through the colony. No propaganda vid could compare to seeing them in action. Trust me; we look much more impressive from the civilian's view point; Brave soldiers in their guns and armor, heroes of the human race, swooping in to save a little girl from evil aliens," She gave a short laugh and ran her hand through her hair, "It was love at first sight."

Kaidan had always had pride in the fact he was a soldier, and hearing her saying something like that made him sit up a bit straighter. He had also been equally enraptured by the fiction books he had read as a kid; courageous soldiers fighting for a beautiful woman.

"There was a commander with them. I didn't know at the time what the N7 logo meant but he was an awesome sight. He set the mold for what I thought a good man should be. Well, him and my father, I guess. Dad was good with his hands, electronics and fixing thing, you know. Commander Fairchild was tall, dark, and handsome. Brave too; he rushed in and plucked me up in the middle of a fire fight. Carrying me to safely when I was hurt. They were both cautious and deliberate, never making a move unless they knew it was the right thing."

Shepard was actually joking with him. Not only was she jesting but her ideal for a 'good man' was dangerously close to describing Kaidan. She must have also realized it. Thumbing her mug nervously she said. "Lieutenant, thanks for the talk, but I need to get back to work."

All Kaidan could do was nod as his commander practically sprinted out of the mess hall.


	6. Chapter 6

**July 16, 2183**

**SSV Normandy, Med-Bay**

Migraines are hard to describe to someone who has never had one. The pain is acute and nearly unbearable. Everything makes it worst. Light and sound are the biggest villains. They seem to be amplified to the point they become insufferable. All one could do is find a dark, cool, quiet place to hide for an hour or two and wait for the meds to kick in.

On top of the pain, there is the nausea. Kaidan rarely had vomited from a migraine before, but the way his stomach turned he felt like he might at any second.

Dr. Chakwas had given him a bed and some medication to help him cope with the migraine. She had also given him a cool wet washcloth to shield his eyes from the suddenly harsh lights of the med-bay. He tried to lie perfectly still, pray that his stomach would stop doing flips. With the cloth over his eyes he could not see the doctor but he knew she was nearby, probably staring at her computer screen doing work. She had been very sympathetic to his pain and had done everything in her power to make sure he was comfortable. Now all he had to do was wait it out. The meds would kick in soon; still the migraine would probably linger for the rest of the day. However, he had work to do; he could not afford to lie around all day.

Thinking back, Kaidan could not remember having a headache this bad since he was stationed on the Normandy. He knew exactly what had triggered it, they had been investigating the colony at Zhu's Hope. He had severely over exerted himself against the countless waves of thorian creepers. In confines of the thorian's lair they had been easily overran by the mindless creatures.

Kaidan had turned to see Shepard swarmed by those things. She had been firing her pistol and using her biotic as best she could but there were just too many of them. Without thinking he stretched out his hand toward the creepers, sending them flying. It had not been as strong as the kick he had used against Vyrnnus, but the resolute had been the same. They died. Their bodies spattered against the concrete walls. Shepard had spun to face him, shock plastered on her face. For a terrible moment he thought she was afraid of him but a smile had slid on her face and she gave him a quick nod, thanking him. He was dumbfounded, not only was she not afraid, she was thankful, glad. A woman like Shepard would never fear him, it was a comforting thought.

The med-bay doors hissed open and Kaidan clenched his teeth against the sound. Someone had entered and he heard boots as they walked across the floor. The visitor was at least trying to be as quiet as possible while wearing heavy military-issued combat boots. Still Kaidan was keenly aware of every step they took.

Not far from his bed he could hear Dr. Chakwas, she was speaking in hushed tones. "Of all the people on the ship you should know to be more sensitive to Kaidan's headaches. You have been putting him under a lot of strain and this is the result, Shepard."

Shepard! The visitor was his commander. He pulled the cloth from his eyes and sat up a little too quickly. His stomach lurched and the light made his eyes sting, but he was not going to just lay there with her present. He could not quite focus his vision; everything seemed to have a glow around it, almost like a dream sequence in a bad vid. Both Chakwas and Shepard were looking at him. Chakwas looked concerned while Shepard wore an expression he could not quite place. Pride? Admiration? Surely, that was not it.

"Now look what you have done," Chakwas scolded the commanding officer of the Normandy.

Shepard's raised one eye brow at the doctor's boldness but she looked amused as she watched Chakwas cross the room to Kaidan's bedside. There were very few people on the Normandy who would dare back talk Shepard and only the doctor could do it without reprisal.

"Kaidan just lay down. The commander doesn't need your attention right now," Chakwas said her firm hand on his shoulder gently urging him to lay back down.

Shepard had come to stand at the end of his bed. "You alright, Alenko?" She said trying to keep her voice as low as possible.

Using his elbow to keep himself up right, despite the doctor urgings, Kaidan said. "Yeah, I'm fine. Give me a few more minutes and I'll be back at my post."

"An hour at the very least," Dr. Chakwas corrected.

"It's fine. Alenko, go ahead and take the whole day off," Shepard corrected both of them. Both Chakwas and Kaidan stared in shock at Shepard.

"You saved my ass today. Take as long as you need to recover." The smile she gave confused him. It was almost sweet. She gave the doctor a nod and left them alone in the med-bay.

Dr. Chakwas stared at the door as if she was pondering something very interesting. She patted his shoulder lightly, making him lay back down.

Returning the cloth over his eyes, Kaidan could not stop the smile that crossed his lips.

* * *

><p>"Kaidan," A woman's voice whispered.<p>

He jerked the cloth off his eyes to find himself staring into the electric blue eyes of Commander Shepard. Her hands rested on the examination table next to his head, she was leaning over him, her lovely face terribly close to his. Scandalous intentions were painfully clear on her face. Heat rushed to his cheeks as he jerked back and hit his head back down against the pillow.

"Commander?"

Shepard mocked a pout, "Oh come on Kaidan," her voice soft and husky, "I'm sure you can think of something sweeter than that, to call me."

She began to trace one finger down the line of muscles on his chest. Kaidan's pulse raced and he closed his eyes. Being touched by her was better than he ever realized. It had been too long since he had been this close to a beautiful woman. But Shepard was not just any woman, this was his commanding officer. Desperately he wanted to give into the desire that had been building between them. They had waltzed around each other for weeks now. It had been slowly painful dance, skirting the edge of fraternization. Kaidan did not consider himself a ladies' man by any means but Shepard captivated him. There was joy in being near her and lost when she was elsewhere.

Laying pinned under her, he could not escape, even if he wanted to. If he rose up that would put him even closer to her face and he could not easily slide off the table.

"Ma'am, I think that might be inappropriate," He said swallowing hard trying to steady his pulse. He had to have the cooler head before they got themselves into more trouble than even Shepard could get out of.

Lowering her face to his, she whispered, "I hope so."

The moment her lips touched his, he woke up. Huffing, he scrambled to a sitting position he searched the med-bay. Shepard was nowhere to be found. It had been a dream, probably brought on by the medication. He must have fallen asleep while lying on the examination table.

_Where the hell did that come from? _Kaidan asked himself as he rubbed his forehead. He had never dreamed of Shepard before and never like that. Sure, she was an amazing woman; he was interested in her, but he doubted she would break her moral code to have relations with a subordinate. All he hoped for was that one day they might consider each other friends. Unfortunately his mind was beginning to promise him things he knew would never have. He was going to need a long cold shower after that dream.


	7. Chapter 7

Fixed Chapter 7

* * *

><p><strong>July 20, 2183<strong>

**The Citadel, Docking Bay**

"Talitha, I was on Mindoir. My parents died in the raid," Shepard said.

The girl aimed her gun at Shepard; the barrel hovering between the commander's eyes. "Liar! You get hit for lying! Get the buzz or the burning! Can't be there!"

Kaidan held his breathe, he thought for a moment Talitha was going to shoot Shepard. The gun was close enough it might bypass her shields. However, Shepard stayed cool and did not even flinch as the girl screamed and waved the gun in her face.

"Why are you alive? Why are you…? Why aren't you like her? Broken…only fit to dig and carry!" Talitha demanded.

For a moment Shepard did not answer. With her eyes down case, Kaidan saw a side of Shepard he had never seen before. He recalled what the consort had said about Shepard's eyes telling a story that made her want to weep. There were horrors reflected in those blue eyes that a young girl should never have witnessed.

Shepard finally met Talitha's eyes, "For a while I was broken. I lost my whole family, Talitha, my friends and my childhood. I had to pull myself up and keep going."

"You lose your mommy and daddy too? But you don't dig. You don't carry. You stand up," Talitha stared at Shepard, eyes wide in amazement. Kaidan had never heard a truer statement said about Shepard.

Shepard held out the sedative, "Talitha, this will make you sleep. If you fall asleep, they'll take you to a place where you can get better."

Hesitantly Taliha reached out for the pill as if she was sure she might get hit for taking something not hers. Glancing up at Shepard she waited for Shepard to nodded before plucked the pill from her palm and obediently stuffed the pill into her mouth, swallowing it, "Will she have bad dreams?"

Shepard gently reached out and hugged the skinny young girl, "You'll dream of a warm place. And when you wake up, you'll be in it. I swear."

Talitha reluctantly pulled out of the embrace, "She'd like that. It hurts when she... when I remember me. But she wants to remember…"

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, had it not been for Shepard she would have hit the cold hard metal of the docking bay floor. Shepard guided her to the ground making sure she was in a comfortable position. Before standing she touched Talitha's hand; she seemed lost in her thoughts. Then almost mechanically she walked back to Lieutenant Girard.

"She took the sedative. She wants to get better, Lieutenant," Shepard told him.

"Thanks, Commander. That means a lot. I didn't want to hurt her. It's just when I see her curled into a ball shivering… She was only six when they took her. Why the hell are we out here if we can't even keep one little girl safe?" He asked the strain in his voice clear.

"Bad things happen to good people, Lieutenant. That's why you and I are here. Don't wring your hands over her…help her," Shepard said, her voice carried an unfamiliar hard edge.

The lieutenant nodded, "Yes ma'am. Thank you."

Shepard nodded stoically and stepped into a ramp, out of sight. Sensing something was wrong, Kaidan followed her. He found her leaning against the dock ramp wall, pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers. She had always insisted that she had moved past the tragedy of her late teens, but seeing her like that, he wondered how much of that had been wishful thinking. Shepard had a hard life; there was no doubt about that. First her family then her unit, she had lost far too many people for how young she was.

He desperately wanted to step up to her, to put his arm around her and let her know he was there for her. But not matter how much he ached for her, he could not, he would not. Resisting every urge in his body he stepped back and away to give her some privacy.

* * *

><p><strong>August 2, 2183<strong>

**Intai'sei**

"I don't think this is a good idea, ma'am," Kaidan said shifting in his seat next to Shepard.

"Lighten up, LT," Ashley said leaning forward from the back seat of the Mako, "Don't you want to see the Skipper's new abode? We were there with her in the sim; I think it makes it ours just as much as it is hers."

Shepard nodded with a smile, "Damn straight."

A small speck appeared at the edge of the red rocky terrain, it was Admiral Ahern pre-fab retirement house. That is, it was his until he had lost it in a bet with Shepard.

Parking the Mako in front of the house, the three of them jumped out. The heat took her breath away, though it was not any worse than what she would have expected from the desert of Earth. It was a beautiful harsh planet.

Inside was split into two main rooms. First was the foyer that greeted them. The next room was a bedroom, a kitchen, a living room, and a study all combined into one.

Ashley rushed over to plop down on the long sectional couch. Hitting a few buttons caused a large screen TV to pop in front of her.

"Nice," She exclaimed, punching a few more buttons causing music to fill the living space.

Hanging back at the door Kaidan examined the room, "Kind of small."

"It was meant to be a retirement home for one old man. I don't think he had it built thinking he would lose it to a hot young commander and her two favorite marines," Shepard shrugged and Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

Ashley turned around on the couch to face Shepard. "Since we're your favorite marines can we spend the night here?"

Shepard glanced over at the single bed, "I don't think the brass would frown if we all dog piled up on the bed."

She did not catch the reddish stain that colored Kaidan's face for a moment. She was looking at Ashley who bounced a couple times on the couch's cushions.

"Sleeping on the floor is a million times better than those damn sleeping pods; besides, the couch seems comfy."

Shepard shook her head and laughed, "We're not staying the night here. We have more important things to do then have a slumber party at my new pad."

Shepard pondered for a moment then nodded to herself, "But you know what is a good idea? Giving you guys a key to the place."

Kaidan shook his head, "I don't think that is a good idea, if the brass finds out..."

Ignoring him she punched a few keys on her omni-tool she reprogrammed the door to open to the three of them, "Too late, it's no big deal. You guys helped me win it. You deserve to use it just as much as I do. If we were get resigned to different ships just know you will be always welcomed to stop in and use this place went ever you need to."

Ashley beamed, "Awesome, Skipper."

Shepard shook her finger at Ashley, "Just not wild parties with your sisters, Chief."

She pouted, "C'mon Skipper, you got to give LT some rules to."

Turning to Kaidan who still stood silently at the door, she smiled at him, "Alenko no banging cheap sluts on my bed."

She laughed out loud when his face turned a dozen shades of red.

* * *

><p><strong>November 11, 2183<strong>

**SSV Normandy, Crew Deck**

"So, who is he?" Ashley setting her ration tray on the opposite side of Shepard.

Shepard's fork halted in front of her gaped mouth as one eye brow rose curiously, "Huh?"

Ashley settled into her sit and lean forward like a school girl about to share some kind of juicy gossip, "Your lover boy, does he have a name? What does he look like? C'mon, I want details."

Setting her fork down, Shepard smirked, "What makes you think I have anyone?"

"Cause you're grinning like a Cheshire cat," Ashley's eye flashed knowingly.

Shepard gave a short nervous laugh, "I guess you could say there is someone, we're not in a relationship yet."

"Why not?" Ashley blinked at her.

"It's too early to tell and being on this mission has not let me have time to commit," Shepard explained absently stirring her food with her folk.

"Is he cute?" Ashley repeated wiggling her eye brows.

Shepard looked down and smiled, "Yeah, he is."

Ashley mouth gaped open into a board smile, "Skipper, you're in love, aren't you?"

Laughing, she shook her head. It was silly; she could not be in love. She did not have time for love.

"You are! You're passively glowing," Ashley exclaimed, "Oh, this is not fair. You got yourself a beau and scuttlebutt says even stiff ass Kaidan has somehow got himself a sweetheart. I'm feeling a bit left out."

Shepard tried her best to hide her concern. Kaidan already had someone? The rumors could not possibly be referring to her, could they? They had done their fair share of flirting, but still. Shepard wondered what kind of woman would interest him? He had already told her women like Liara did not interest him. He said he liked adventurous women; she was an adventurous woman, right?

"Why don't you go bug him about his girl?" Shepard said shooing her with her hand, trying to get the gunnery chief off the subject of her love life.

"No fair, skipper," Ashley pouted playfully and then she shrugged, "Besides, you know me, I already tried. Though he wouldn't admit it, but I could tell. Never seen a grown man blush that hard, but at least you'll tell me your man's name, right?"

Shepard shook her head as her grin returned, "Oh no, you're not going to get it out of me."

"Why not?" Ashley exclaimed exasperated.

"For one, I'm not one hundred percent sure he feels the same. And second, I don't want to jinx it," Shepard said shoving a forkful of food in her mouth to signal she was done talking.

"Oh, I'll find out, even if I have to go through your vid-mails," Ashley teased.

"Why are you going through the commander's mail?" Kaidan asked causing both women to jump. Neither had seen him come up behind them.

Ashley turned to him as he sat down next to her, placing his food tray in front of him. "Just trying to find out whose Skipper's lover boy is."

"Chief, don't you think that is a little inappropriate to pry into your Commander's personal life," Kaidan scolded, Shepard appreciated Kaidan's attempt to end Ashley's questions but she truly did not mind her asking. Shepard found more and more she was enjoying the company of both marines, it had been years since she had anyone she could call friends. She just wished her lover boy, as Ashley put it, was not a subordinate.

Shepard waved her hand, "It's fine, Alenko. I did catch her earlier with some embarrassing home mail."

Ashley sighed trying to cover her face with her hand, "I'll say. I could kill my sister."

"Do I even want to ask?" Kaidan said picking up his fork.

"No," Ashley said.

"Yes," Shepard said.

Kaidan glanced at both women, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, "Now I have to know."

Shepard beamed, happy that the table had turned back into her favor, "It seems you have a giggling teenage admirer."

Kaidan's smiled dropped, "Me?"

Ashley cheeks began to redden under her hand, "My little sister thinks you're cute."

Shepard started laughing out loud, clear and high, Ashley nervous giggle followed, then finally Kaidan's deep chuckle.

One last good laugh together, before they reached Virmire.


	8. Chapter 8

**November 12, 2183**

**Saren's Base, Virmire**

"Alenko, Radio Joker to pick us up at the bomb site," Her voice crackled over the headset. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Yet at the same time it the last thing he wanted to hear her say.

A terrible ultimatum had been laid down before their commander, save Ashley Williams or save Kaidan Alenko. He had done everything in his power to make the choice easier on her. When the Geth begun to overrun the bombsite, he knew Shepard would have to come back to protect the bomb, the whole mission was running on it going off. However, that would mean leaving Ashley to face off a platoon of geth by herself and a handful of salarians. But if the bomb was already active then that would give Shepard the chance to save Ashley. Still, Shepard had chosen to go back for him.

"Yes, Commander… I…" Kaidan was surprised his voice even worked.

"You know it's the right choice, LT!" Ashley argued with him, her voice cracking but she sounded convinced.

"Ash, I'm sorry. I had to make a choice," Even through the headset Kaidan could hear the pain in her voice.

From the start of their mission to track down Saren he had hoped she would never have to make a decision like this. He had warned her to leave a way out, but there was no way out of this. Shepard was a strong woman, no doubt about that, but even Commander Shepard had a breaking point.

"I understand Commander, I don't regret a thing," Ashley voice sounded oddly at peace.

Kaidan had no time to dwell on tragedy that had just transpired between the three of them. A bullet ricochet off the bomb next to his head, his heart stopped for a moment. There was no telling exactly sure how much damage this bomb could take before it exploded. He was prepared to die when the bomb went off. What he was not prepared for was Shepard dying with him as she raced back to rescue him.

_Rescue him_, he thought sourly, why the hell was she doing that? God, he hoped she was not coming back because of her feelings for him. If Ashley died because of them and their relationship, he would never forgive himself.

Clenching his teeth, he reminded himself where he was. He sat waist deep in an aqueduct as a torrent of water rushed to the nearby drain. The water roared in his ears while a squad of geth bombarded him with bullets. The two crewmen that had helped him unload the bomb were already dead. The geth had made short work of them while he had set the nuke.

"Please, Zody just leave me," He whispered out loud, gripping his pistol like an idol.

As if being summoned by the sound of her name, the large gate opened revealing Shepard. No, not Shepard, a goddess of war, wisdom and justice stepped through the gate. Dressed head to foot in shining black armor and her body glowing blue like magic. Her face was a mix of pure determination and fury as she stalked into the battlefield. She did not even draw her gun simply raised her hand and sent the nearest geth flying into the fuel tank next to it. The heat from the blast was intense as black smoke blew into the sky. Her attention turned to the geth prime and juggernaut as they crested the rise. Thrusting her hands in front of her like she was holding an imaginary ball. Kaidan felt a strange sensation like he was being pulled backwards. Even the water slowed and seemed to be pulling away from the drain. The sound of rushing water was replaced by another roar. Glancing past the bomb, he saw what Shepard had done. A singularity ripped the geth prime and destroyer apart, crushing them in the unbelievably powerful gravity well. Clenching her fist closed she snapped the singularity close.

She had just destroyed three geth before Garrus and Wrex even joined her on the battlefield. Some asari did not have that kind of biotic power. Kaidan could not move or think as he watched her, he was only dimly aware of his throbbing side. He was mesmerized, he had seen her fight countless times, but never like this. She was simply annihilating everything between him and her.

It was then he realized he actually loved her. They had flirted before, sure, but flirting was not serious. Shepard was unlike any woman he had ever met before. The galaxy had done everything it could to beat her down, but she continued to soldier through it all. This was a woman he would never have to protect, she would never be afraid of him or stunned by him. She accepted him with all his flaws and quirks.

Despite being very practical she remained kind hearted and just. Her mind worked light years faster than those around her. In most situations she had already worked out the problem before it even became a problem. With all the strange things they had gone through on this mission she adjusted and adapted easily. Not once had she became overwhelmed. He hoped that remained true after leaving her best friend to die on an alien world. It was clear she was furious and had taken out her rage on the geth. Kaidan almost felt sorry for the Reapers now.

A loud hum made his eyes turn upward. Rapidly descending toward Shepard was Saren, riding on a flyer. His body glowed with biotic fire as he stretched out his arm toward Shepard.

"Zody!" Kaidan cried, trying to get her attention to the new threat.

Shepard noticed him just in time and dodged out of the way, quickly finding cover as she fired up at him. Saren stopped his biotic assault. Jumping off the board, he stalked toward where Shepard was hidden. Ceasing the opportunity, Shepard stepped out of cover and shot at Saren. Unfortunately, her bullets bounced uselessly off his shield. Saren stood there taking the bullets, he wanted to talk.

Settling back into cover Shepard indulged him. She demanded to know why he was doing this. Like the paragon she was, she beseeched him to turn to her side. Saren tried equally as hard to turn Shepard to his. When both realized the other would not listen to their reason, their fight continued.

Shepard managed to shoot down Saren's flyer but his biotic counter attack sent her reeling into the water. Casting aside his rifle Saren marched over to where Shepard knelt in the water franticly searching for her pistol. Shepard had time to look over at Kaidan. The look in her eyes was too raw, she was no longer a war goddess, she was afraid. The moment was over almost before Kaidan realized what he saw. The next second Saren was on her. He tried to yell a warning to her but his lungs burned with pain from where he had been shot.

Saren grabbed Shepard by the throat, hoisting her in the air. She struggled against his grip as Kaidan unwillingly recalled his own experience at the mercy of a pissed off turian. Clenching his teeth Kaidan pulled out his pistol and sighted down the barrel. The tip of the barrel wavered in his shaking hand and he knew he would not be able to shoot Saren without risking Shepard.

_Where the hell was Garrus and Wrex_, his mind screamed.

However, before he could act, fate intervened. The alarm on the bomb sounded next to his head causing him to nearly jump out of his skin. All eyes including Saren's turned to the bomb. Shepard used that to her advantage. Saren looked back in time to see Shepard'sfist connect him square in the face. He dropped her as he fell backwards. While Shepard coughed and choked, Saren backed away heading for his flyer. He was already in the air by the time she pulled out her pistol. The end of the barrel followed him as he ascended into the sky but never fired.

Time was up, they had to leave now. The bomb would go off any minute now. Trying to stand Kaidan looked up to see Shepard rush to his side. She smiled down at him, the look told him everything. No matter what happened, she would never leave him.

* * *

><p><strong>November 14, 2183<strong>

**Locked Downed SSV Normandy**

"I just need a little practice, that's all. I think we got some time," Kaidan gave Shepard a lopsided smile and extended his hand to help her up.

He could actually see the gears in her head turning as she stared for a moment at his hand. And here she had told him that he annalyzed every little thing he did. For an uneasy moment his hand hung in the air while she waged war with herself to take his hand or not. Finally she reached up clasping his hand with hers, and he pulled her to her feet.

In retrospect he might have pulled too hard. Shepard tumbled into his arms, catching both of them off guard. Kaidan felt his heart jump to the back of his throat as he took in her nearness. She smelled of peony flowers, like the flowers his mother use to grow outside their front door. He did not recall her wearing perfume when he had carried her back to the Normandy on Eden Prime. Then again the smell of burning fields and corpses over powered everything else.

Embarrassed, she averted her eyes for a moment but did not pull away. When she returned her eyes to his gaze, she smiled softly at him. He on the other hand could not take his eyes off her. Staring at the electric blue of her eyes half veiled with dark lashes, he was filled with the intense need to kiss her, to see if she tasted as sweet as her smell. Swallowing hard he pressed his hand against her lower back he gently pulled her closer, her eyes fluttered closed as she leaned in laying the full length of her body against his. Her long fingers clutched the fabric of his shirt. He should have been terrified. Terrified of kissing this woman for the first time, terrified of the fact she was his commanding officer, terrified of getting caught. But the only thing in his mind was the decreasing space between him and her.

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson," Joker's voice boomed of the intercom.

They jerked back from one another. Kaidan did not try and hide his disappointment as Shepard pulled out of his arms and stepped away. Could Joker not have waited a second longer? He wondered if the pilot had been spying on them, waiting for the right moment to interrupt.

However, it might have been for the best that it was Joker to be the one to catch them and not someone else. They were standing out in the open, practically in the middle of the crew deck. Anyone would have seen them if they just so happened to be walking through. At least he knew Joker would not spread gossip or report them to Alliance command.

Kaidan swore to himself he was going to get that kiss, even if he had to steal it on the battlefield.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Note:** This chapter contains the Night Before Ilos scene. I have tried to avoid rewriting scenes from the game before this point. But it is to important of a scene to leave out. As far as smut goes it is pretty mild, but just a warning it's there.

* * *

><p><strong>November 14, 2183<strong>

**SSV Normandy - On Route to Ilos**

**ETA - 14 Hours**

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, _Shepard kept repeating to herself. How the hell could she be so damn stupid? She had almost kissed Kaidan, her lieutenant, her second, her subordinate. There was something between them; there was no doubt about that. She had planned to wait and pursue a relationship with him once the mission was over. Hopefully, he would be assigned to a different commanding officer. Then there would be little to no backlash against them being together.

Yet somehow she had found herself in his arms inches away from a kiss before Joker interrupted. She had no doubt that the pilot had been listening in. For the first time she was grateful for his nosiness. He had kept her from losing her head and breaking protocol.

It had been over six years since she had been in a physical relationship and her body was keen on reminding her of that fact. She ached with need and she cursed herself. This was the first time in years she reacted this way to anyone. Her body suddenly recalled the feeling of tangled sheets and limbs, of sweat and lips, and…

"Stop it!" she said out loud to herself. Plopping down on her bed she stared at the dull grey metal of the ceiling, "Goddamn it, I need to get laid."

* * *

><p>Kaidan had been staring at Shepard's door for several minutes now. In less than a handful of hours they would be at the endgame with Saren. The fate of every living soul in the galaxy would hang on the actions they'd take in these next few hours. Nothing in his life had prepared him for this kind of responsibility. But he was just a lieutenant, just following the orders of his commanding officer. He could not even imagine what Shepard would be thinking at that moment. One wrong step and she would damn them all, one way or the other.<p>

Kaidan looked around the mess hall and realized he was alone. Everyone else had returned to their duties or had gone elsewhere. He nervously rubbed his hands together and his eyes wondered back the door leading to the captain's quarters. He went very still as he watch those gray doors.

_You can't go in there, Kaidan, you go in there and there is no way out. You have to leave yourself a way out_, he thought to himself.

_I'm just going to go and make sure she is alright. She is probably nervous about the mission. _He tried to reason.

_That's not why you're going to her and you know it_.

He was out of his chair and moving to her door before he even realized he had stood. He did not even pause at her door. The surprised look on Shepard's face let him know he probably should have at least knocked.

"Commander?"

Shepard smiled standing from her chair and gave a lazy shrug, "You probably shouldn't call me that. Hell, I probably shouldn't be wearing this uniform."

Kaidan wondered for a moment if she had said that as an opening for him. Was she trying to stir him in that direction? Driving the thought of her nude from his mind he said, "Yeah, hell of a thing, we broke our oath to the Alliance so we could keep it. We're a hell of an example of humanity's best and brightest, huh?"

Shepard looked down at her boots, "I keep reminding myself we're doing the right thing." Looking back up at him, she gave him a lopsided smile, "I don't believe me yet..."

Kaidan had been right, she was nervous, though most people would never catch the subtle signs. They had worked together long enough for him to know what to look for: the way she blinked a little faster than normal, the way she sucked slightly on her bottom lip. It was one of the few emotions he could read. Giving her his best reassuring smile he said, "Well, if I didn't think you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here."

_And why are you here in her room? _He asked himself.

He ignored his doubt; he wanted to make Shepard feel better, both as his friend and commanding officer. In the back of his mind he knew he had other reasons for being here, alone with her. He hoped she would make the first move, God knows he would never let himself do it.

"It'll really hit the fan when we get to Ilos," He continued trying to keep himself talking about something other than the beautiful woman standing in front of him, "If things don't go well, I want you to know... Well, I've enjoyed serving under you," Without realizing what he was doing he took a step closer to her.

A small wrinkle formed between her brows, she looked almost hurt, "You're still hesitating, after everything we have been through together? What are you afraid of?"

She hit the nail on the head, like always. They had only known each other for a handful of intense months yet she knew him better than any other person in the entire galaxy. Better than his friends, better than his parents. On the other hand he could not read her as well as she could him. Shepard was smart, clever, and charming, anyone would be able to see that but her thoughts and her feelings remained a mystery, at least to him. What he was concerned most about was her feelings toward him. She had flirted with him, almost kissed him, and even referred to herself as a sure thing for him. Still he feared she would throw him out of her room at any moment.

Feeling a little lost, he gave her a short laugh and a shrugged shoulder, "I dunno, the regs against fraternization seem kind of petty now, taking a stolen ship to face giant intergalactic war machine…" Trailing off, he met her crystal blue eyes and he suddenly did not care about any of that. Even the voice of doubt went silent. This woman had seen through all the barriers he had put up to protect himself. How she could read him so easily left him stunned. His hands itched to touch her, to feel her skin, to kiss her lips.

"You know what? You're right, about everything. I think about losing you and I can't stand it. The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, even the Reapers, will come around again. But you and I are important right now. And this is what will never happen again; us."

He let out a breath he did not even know he was holding. He prayed he did not seem as nervous as he felt, "Shepard, you make me feel…" He searched for the right word. As far back as he could remember people had looked at him because he was different, because he was a biotic. Then he had found camaraderie with the other kids a BAat. That had been shattered with Vyrnnus' broken neck. Now this beautiful warrior woman had accepted him for all his flaws and short comings. She saw past all that, she saw him as…"Human," He whispered.

For a terrible moment he thought he might have gone too far. Shepard stared at him for an agonizingly long moment, her face impossible to read. Did she not realize she had him spinning on a thread since the moment they met? With a few sweet words and the batting of her long lashes she could have made him do anything she wanted. Influenced him to believe whatever she believed. It was now her choice to cut that thread and let him fall or still his spinning and pull him to the safely of her arms.

A smiled tugged at the corners of her mouth as his eyes darted for a moment at the small scar that split her top lip. Most women would have tried to hide it with makeup or surgery, but on Shepard it only added to her. It turned her full lips from beautiful to perfect. He had been denied the chance to kiss those lips earlier and it took everything he had not to take her into his arms and steal that kiss.

"Bunk here tonight, Kaidan. With me..." She laid down the ultimatum, the request, the challenge. He highly doubted that casual sex was in her vocabulary. It had always been his impression that she was very deliberate about picking her lovers. Sleeping with a subordinate was probably the last thing she would ever let herself do.

"Is that an order, Commander?" He grinned sheepishly.

Shepard's eyes shone with mischief. "Kaidan, you make me feel like I could take on the universe. And right now? I kind of have to."

They were actually going to do this. Kaidan felt a little guilty he was giving in, "This can't change anything, Shepard. This is a good crew. The finest I've served with. I don't want to mess it up."

She touched his arm, "Kaidan, stop calling me by my last name."

"Zody," He whispered, smiling at this beautiful woman. God, he was going to burn for saying her name, he just knew it.

One moment she was smiling at him the next she grabbed the sides of his jaw and slammed her mouth against his so hard it almost hurt. A sweet blast of lust and love, enough to make him realize there is no other woman in the galaxy with her fire, her passion. It took a second for him to remember to hold her let alone kiss her back. His arms locked around her back ensuring there was not a space to share between him and her.

_Just hold on_, he told himself.

He recalled carrying her back to the Normandy after the beacon had knocked her unconscious. Until he picked her up he had never realized how small Shepard actually was. Then she had also been wearing combat armor. Now she was just in her military uniform. He realized how fragile and petite the feared and respected Commander Shepard was. Having her in his arms made him appreciate what a lovely woman she was. She was athletically built, slender arms, long rapturous legs, and curves in all the right places. Seeing her as a woman did not diminish his respect for her, if anything it strengthened it. She was shorter and probably weighted a little under a hundred pounds less than him. But her presence commanded him to revere her.

She was a biotic, like him, but unlike him she did not have the same L2 implants he had. Still she was as powerful if not more so than him. He had seen krogan and turians, who stood at least a head higher than her, back down when she commanded them. She could demand respect or fear from the galaxy's most powerful and terrible beings. She was a goddess of war, a matron saint of justice and temperance; beautiful, ferocious, and completely his.

Her kisses did not let his mind wonder too far though; she was warm and eager and kissed him like she was trying to crawl into his mouth. All he could do was hold on. She did not seem capable of holding herself back. He wondered how long she had wanted this and restrained herself. He pulled her shirt from her pants and slid a hand in. She purred as he touched her bare back.

Pulling away from her, he stepped around her, and walked her backwards toward the bed. She sighed happily and grabbed the rim of his shirt raising it up and over his head. Sitting on the edge of the bed he pulled her against him. Pushing her shirt up slightly, he let her pull it the rest of the way off as he surprised her by kissing her lower chest right under the last rib bone. Her breath caught at the sensation of his lips on her skin.

Opening his eyes he looked up to meet hers. Her lips were parted and her gaze had glazed over. It had been a little too long for his liking since the last time he had been with a woman. He was glad to see he had not lost his touch.

Hooking one hand at the back of her knee he raised her leg enough to undo the laces of one boot then the other. The whole time kissing and licking the soft skin of her stomach and chest. Quickly he undid his own and kicked the boots away.

He slid his thumb into the hem of her pants gently and wrapped the whole hand around her waist to her back. The simple act caused a moan to escape her lips. That delicious sound almost made him lose his control and he had to break eye contact to regain his composer. Returning to the blue pools of her eyes he continued his work. Though, it surprised him slightly how she just stood there. He had almost expected her to lead; this was Commander Shepard after all. Yet she just stood there letting him do what he wanted to her. That thought sent another trill through him.

_Focus, Alenko,_ he told himself.

With his free hand he undid the bottom and zipper of her pants, then used both hand to slide them very slowly down her hips. Even when gravity should have taken over and let it fall the rest of the way to the floor, he held on to the hem with his thumbs and traced her legs with his finger.

"Kaidan…" She whispered closing her eyes and letting her head fall backwards while her hands rested on his bare shoulders to stay balanced.

Looking ahead of him he stared at the red lace bra. The color and fabric of the matching bra and panty had surprised him. Regulations said white cotton. Apparently the by-the-books Commander Shepard had a few other dirty little secrets. Not that he was complaining, he liked red on her.

He stood to rid himself of his clothes but Shepard had other plans. Gently she pushed his hands away and grabbed the hem of his pants with one hand, and undid the zipper and buttons with the other. Now in their underwear, he held her up in his arms and fell backward onto the bed. Laughing she rolled over bringing him with her up and over the edge of the bed. Shepard hit the floor hard with him on top of her.

Horrified he went to his knees, trying to get off of her. "Oh God, are you alright?" He asked, worry clear in his tone.

Her eyes were squeezed shut as she moaned but a smile was plastered on her face as she rubbed the back of her head were it had connected with the floor. Flicking her eyes open her smiled boarded into a full grin. One hand went around his neck.

"Come here," She beckoned.

* * *

><p>Kaidan watched Shepard sleeping soundly in his arms. His eyes were growing heavy but he fought desperately to stay awake. She was so beautiful. He brushed a loose strand of ebony hair out of her face, and tucked it behind her ear. She stirred, reacting to his touch. She was unlike any other woman he had met before. He hated comparing her to Rahna, but then again she was one of the only women he had become close to. There had been dates and other women, but with a military career there was hardly time to commit for very long. Like Rahna, Shepard was smart, beautiful, and charming. But she possessed a harder edge that Rahna ever had. Had it been Shepard whom he had tried to protect from Vyrnnus, she would have never shunned him. Then again had Shepard been there he probably would not have had to protect her at all.<p>

On Virmire he had compared her to a goddess of war, wisdom, and justice. It does not matter what you call her, an Amazon, shield maiden, or an onna bugeisha, the fact still remained; Shepard was a courageous, formidable woman. He wondered if thousands of years from now, people would recount the story of Zody Shepard the warrior woman who battled evil mechanical gods from the deep void. Would those stories mention her mortal lover? Would anyone ever know how fiercely he loved this woman?

If someone had told him when he was first assigned to the Normandy that he would end up sleeping with his commanding officer he would have been disgusted by the thought. This was not like him, too impulsive, too rash. He could not remember the last time he done anything on an impulse. Sleeping with a woman who was not technically his girlfriend, but also the last person in the galaxy he should be physical with. Yet he could not imagine being anywhere else but here, holding her. If his time with her had taught him anything it was that he could not count on tomorrow coming. They had already lost good people. It was quite possible that in a few hours, one –or both– of them might be dead.

If only time could stop for him, for this one perfect moment. Yet, no matter how hard he held on, his eyes closed and he fell asleep. He dreamed of a perfect life, far away from terrible machines. He dreamt of a beautiful ebony haired warrior woman and her love for him.

* * *

><p>Shepard opened her eyes and was greeted by a wonderful sight, a handsome and naked man sleeping next to her. Kaidan had one arm draped over her side, protectively. The other was under her pillow and she could feel his hand on her back. Shielded in his arms she did not feel the overwhelming weight of the entire galaxy on her shoulders. She lightly touched his face; he stirred but did not awake. She smiled as she looked at him. It was hard not to love him. Not only was he terribly good looking, but he had gentle heart. His sweetness did not make him weak in the least bit. He was a bit of a romantic, protector of the innocent, doer of good deeds, and all that. Yet, he was also had practical mind. Kaidan was a total gentleman, almost to a frustrating point. She had been aware of his feelings for her almost before he did. For the past few months she had watched him inch toward her, so careful, so austere. There were moments when she had considered pinning him to the wall at his work station and demanding him to take her right there. Then again the lover's game they had played back and forth had just been too irresistible. Months of incredible foreplay had led to a passionate climax.<p>

Sometimes he did agonize over every choice he made, that was probably why he had waited until now to come to her bed. Most men she had met would have taken her invitation in half the time. Since she had met him, she had come to rely on him in so many ways both as a fellow soldier and a friend. Kaidan was exactly the kind of man she was interested in.

Wrinkling her brow she pondered her actions. She had just slept with a member of her crew, a subordinate. She should have been appalled by her actions. Shepard had always followed a strict code of conduct. Sex with Kaidan broke her own rules, big time. Yet for some reason she could not make herself feel guilty for it, and it was not because that soon it might not matter at all. She wanted to be here, with him.

Laying there sheltered in his arms she wondered why she had not found her way here sooner. There had been several times she had wanted him to hold her so bad she could barely stand it. Sometimes even Commander Shepard needed someone to cradle her in their arms and whisper sweet little white lies. Sometimes she just needed to be told that, 'everything will be alright.'

Trying to stay in her sanctuary she craned her neck to see the clock. They would be at Ilos soon, she needed to get up. The crew and the rest of the galaxy would need Commander Shepard soon. She would need to be their leader, she needed to show perfect confidence and hopefully not let them see how damn terrified she was.

Not wanting to wake him, she slid slowly out of his embrace and shivered against the cold. Resisting the urge to cuddle back against him for warmth she quietly searched the room for her clothes. Most of them were near the bed but somehow her bra had landed on the lamp on the nearby table. Looking at the very out of place bra, she had to smile. She recalled Kaidan having trouble trying to get the hooks undone and in a moment of impatience she had nearly ripped the bra off tossing it randomly. She dressed quickly but looked every now and then back to the man in her bed; and a smile would return to her face.

With a start she realized something, she loved him, truly, deeply loved him. He had made her really feel for the first time in years. Looking at him she imagined things she had never dared, marriage, children, and a home. Home, the idea sat in her mind bitterly, she was Commander Shepard she could not have those things. Mindoir and Akuze had left her too broken, too damaged for simple luxuries. Shaking her head to cast out the doubts, she looked back at Kaidan. At least for now she could find a little bit of happiness with a man who loved her.


	10. Chapter 10

**November 15, 2183**

**SSV Normandy – Orbiting Ilos**

Shepard climbed into the driver's seat of the Mako. Wrex's massive form was seated behind her. The empty seat to her left was for Kaidan when he finished his last minute checks on the mako.

Settling herself in, she could actually feel Wrex's stare burning a hole in her back. She looked over her shoulder, "What?" she snapped at him.

A smile snaked across his face showing a nearly endless row of crooked teeth, "I was wondering when he would finally pin you."

Shepard could not stop the heat from rising in her cheeks, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Wrex's low chuckle filled the small Mako, "And I didn't see that look Alenko gave you when you were climbing in. I forget you humans aren't supposed to enjoy mating."

"It's not that we don't enjoy it. There are just regulations against… mating in the military," She stammered.

Wrex leaned back examining Shepard, "If I had a fertile battlemaster as powerful as you I would not leave your bed until I had you pregnant. Alenko is dumb man for not bedding you since Eden Prime."

"Dear God," Shepard swore hiding her burning face behind her hand. She suddenly wished she had her helm on.

"Humans aren't like that, Wrex. Most of the time humans have sex just to show love for one another. Kaidan wasn't trying to get me pregnant."

Wrex lit up when he realized his trap had been sprung.

"So he did bed you," His laughter rumbled through the mako.

Shepard's mouth opened and closed for a second. Finally she glared at him. "You realize that he and I could both get in trouble for that. Just don't say anything."

Wrex struggled, "Yet another thing I don't understand about humans. I don't care who you bed, Shepard, just as long as you get Saren in the end."

The hatch opened and Kaidan climbed in next to her, "Everything looks good to go."

He glanced at Shepard who was furiously staring at the controls, and then looked back at Wrex, "Did I miss something?"

"We were just discussing how accurate of a shot you are, Alenko," Wrex grinned wickedly.

Shepard wanted to crawl into the console, "Wrex," She warned.

Confused Kaidan looked from one to the other, clearly left out of the joke.

"I'm alright I guess, I always hit the target."

Wrex chuckled, "That is good to know. Looking forward to seeing some pups around here."

Confused Kaidan stared at Wrex, "Do what?"

"Joker!" She shouted into the mic as her cheeks burned red, "What is our ETA?"

She'd rather face a legion of Reapers then face one more moment listening to Wrex taunt Kaidan with innuendos, especially when it was about her.

* * *

><p><strong>December 4, 2183<strong>

**SSV Normandy**

Despite everything they had done the crew of the Normandy had only been given a couple short days of shore leave, or perhaps because of it. The brass simply could not let it slide that they mutinied and stole the Normandy, but an insufficient shore leave was probably a just punishment for saving the entire galaxy form annihilation.

It had not stopped Shepard from giving her crew a reward from their hard work. She had declared if the Council and the Alliance were not going to give them the furlough they deserved then she was going to take it upon herself to give them a reward. She had commissioned Joker to find a twentieth century radio station to play over the ship's comm system; food and beverages were provided in the cargo bay for the crew to enjoy.

Chakwas wanted to do a last minute check on her medical supplies before she headed down to join the revelry. She hoped she had enough pain killers for the many hangovers in the morning. Going through the countless cubbyholes in the med-bay she stumbled upon her private reserves, her bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy stared back at her, temping and daring her. Rescuing it from the back of the cubby she turned it over in her hands admiring the way the soft light of med-bay shone on the lovely blue liquid. It was about time she cracked the bottle open and she knew the perfect person to share it with. She had no doubt Shepard had parted herself from the crew to allow them to have a good time without their commanding officer looking over their shoulders. But if anyone here deserved to cut loose for just a moment it was the Commander.

Bottle in hand she went in search for Shepard. A duet of loud off key singing followed by laughter greeted her just as she stepped through the med-bay doors. Glancing around the corner she saw Shepard and Kaidan sitting alone in the mess hall. Shepard had her hand over her mouth as her shoulder shook in laughter, her cheeks bright red and her eyes were squeezed shut as tears leaked down the sides. Kaidan was laughing just as hard, his forehead on the table nestled in the crook of his arm. A half empty bottle of dark amber liquid and two shot glasses sat between them. It seemed Shepard was having her own private party with her lieutenant.

Smiling, Chakwas retreated back into her med-bay, there would be plenty of time for them to share a drink, Shepard needed to be young and in love for once in her hard life. placing the bottle back in its home, she gave them a silent prayer.

"May you have enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to keep you happy."

* * *

><p>Kaidan's cheeks were flushed and his lips were numb. He was drunk, and by the way Shepard was giggling he knew she was too. Shepard may have not been a dead serious woman but she never giggled.<p>

Raising his head from the crook of his arm he smiled broadly at Shepard, "Dance with me."

Shepard's eyes were watering from laughing and her cheeks were rosy, "Dance? Here?"

"Yes, c'mon!"

Standing he stumbled and grabbed the edge of the table for support, causing another outburst of laugher from Shepard.

"Why Lieutenant, you seem to be intoxicated."

Pushing his hand on the back of her chair he leaned over her. She drew her lashes half close and parted her lips, begging him to come hither. Closing the distant between her and him, he denied her the kiss at last minute, "Not nearly as drunk as some."

Crying out in frustration she rose up to try to steal her kiss. Instead Kaidan grabbed her forearm hoisting her up to her feet bringing out his omni-tool at the same time to change the radio station that was playing in the mess hall.

Shepard cocked an eye brow at him, "Tango music?"

"Do you not know how to tango?" Kaidan asked not able to hide his slight disappoint.

Falling against him, wrapping one arm behind his arm and clasping his hand she grinned. "Kaidan, haven't you figured out by now I love tangoing with you?"

* * *

><p><strong>December 18, 2183<strong>

**Arcturus Station**

An old priest was saying something about the honor of a soldiers sacrifice. How for thousands of years they stood between the innocents and countless armies. "Their deaths ensured the survival of the human race. Commander Zody Shepard was no different. She died so that so many might live."

These words meant nothing to Kaidan. He stared blankly ahead, hating the priest. He did not know Shepard. He had been picked by some administrator type for his gift with pretty words, not for any personal connection to Shepard. He did not know how she tearless wept for every soldier she lost. He did not know how sometimes, she would whisper in her sleep the names of her family and friends she lost on Mindoir. He did not know her trademark smirk that slid across her beautiful face when she got her way. Kaidan knew these things and no gentle words from a holy man would make him feel better about losing her pointlessly. She had battled a synthetic god only to taken out by a surprise attack by a still unknown enemy.

The surviving crew of the Normandy was in attendances, as well as several high ranking Alliance officers. But it was the crew of the Normandy who grieved the most for Shepard, some more than others.

Trying to make himself concentrate on something else, Kaidan looked around. Most of the people at the funereal were military personal. After Mindoir, Shepard had no family, but she had made up for that by making herself a family in the Alliance and the people she met, humans and aliens alike.

Kaidan spied the alien members of the Normandy sitting together. Garrus sat silently staring forward, solemn. Liara's head was bowed, praying perhaps. He had not thought the asari to be very religious. Tali's head was also bowed but he could see her shoulders shaking. She seemed to be crying. Watching the young quarian giving into her emotions almost made him do the same. He looked away quickly pushing the lump in this throat back down. He felt like he was silently suffocating.

Finally, the priest finished his eulogy and it was time for them to give their farewells. With Pressly dead that made Kaidan the highest ranking officer from the Normandy. That meant he was at the head of the line. He stared at the dull grey coffin. He knew it was empty. The Alliance had searched for days to try and recover her body. Finally they had given up so they could proceed with the funeral. He did not want to think of Shepard lost in the cold blackness of space.

He numbly stepped forward and saluted Shepard's empty casket, the click of his heels echoed through the silence room. As a last thought he reached up and unpinned the star he had received for saving the Citadel and the Council. He stepped closer to the casket and slammed it hard on her casket, imbedding the star so that it could not be pull it out. There were several shocked gasps at his action, but he ignored them and turned sharply to let Joker step up to the casket.

"Kaidan." Joker's whispered stopped him.

Turning back to his crew mate, he saw Joker had also unpinned his star and was handing it to him. Joker had Vrolik syndrome, his legs were the worst but imbedding a metal star to a metal casket would probably shatter his arm. His right arm was already fractured from where Shepard had grabbed him up throwing him into an escape pod.

Joker did his own version of clicking his heels and saluted the casket. As Kaidan did the honor of imbedding Joker's star on Shepard's casket. After them every single member of the Normandy did the same. A salute, click of heels, then they unpin their star and imbed it onto Shepard's casket.

From the side Kaidan watched them all mimicked his action and knew it was a much better why to honor his beloved Shepard than some fancy words spoken by a man that did not know her. In the end her casket was nearly covered with silver stars. She meant a lot to all of them and to each one something different.

* * *

><p><strong>Author Note:<strong> I hoped you enjoyed my little tale. Please let me know what you think. Love it, hate it? I want to know!


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